Stitches
by Sparrowfeather1
Summary: Growing up Logan had to have several trips to the emergency room for stitches. Each time Kendall was always somehow involved and each time was a new step in their ever growing relationship. Kogan Slash! Kendall/Logan
1. Chapter 1

**Man, I haven't been on here in a while! But I got a new laptop and decided that what better way to break it in before starting college then working on a fanfic! Woo! Normally I work with Kames and have never done a Kogan so Im excited and nervous about this story at the same time. This first chapter is more of a prologue with the actual slash coming later. **

**Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: BTR is not mine, sadly.**

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I didn't like Kendall the first time I saw him.

It was the second day of kindergarden when we first spoke and on the first day I had already made friends with two boys named James and Carlos. Carlos and I had the same bus stop, the last one on the route. We became quick friends while we waited and when the bus finally came and our moms kissed us goodbye we climbed on to find every seat except one filled. James sat in that seat and there was just enough room for Carlos and I to squeeze in. We were the perfect three friends even though we were so different and since triangles were my favorite geometric shape I thought three was perfect.

But then Kendall came in.

I had seen him the first day of class, everybody saw Kendall Knight. The whole class except James, Carlos and I had been crowded around him, listening in awe as he talked about how good he was at hockey. I had just rolled my eyes and pulled Carlos and James over to the play dough. Who wanted to listen to someone's bragging anyways. But throughout the day everyone kept on talking about Kendall, it was really annoying. What could be so special about the kid, he was just like the rest of them. I tried to ignore it the best I could, focusing on learning stuff about my new friends.

The next day was when I actually spoke to Kendall for the first time. James, Carlos and I had just gotten off of our school bus when Kendall ran up to us. He was smiling brightly and standing tall and I still didn't like him. I don't know why I didn't like him but it was just something in my stomach that burned whenever he was around and I didn't like that feeling.

"Hi, I didn't get to talk to you guys yesterday. Im Kendall Knight, Im going to be five soon and then I can join the peewee hockey team. My mom says Im going to do great at hockey, I practiced on my ice skates all last winter."

"Im going to join hockey too!" Carlos announced happily and James nodded in agreement.

And just like that our perfect triangle became a square. And I wasn't happy. James and Carlos were supposed to be my friends not Kendall's. Everybody else liked Kendall and wanted to be his friend so why did he have to take mine? My mommy always taught me to be nice to people though so I was always nice to Kendall even if I didn't like him for stealing my friends. And even though I was polite I never talked to him if I didn't have to and never said more than what was polite.

That was until winter break. All of our birthdays where in the fall or early winter so by the time the water froze over in late December and hockey season started we were all five. Kendall was the first one to sign up for peewee hockey and James and Carlos weren't far behind him. I wasn't going to at first but after a lot of begging from the three of them, I finally asked my mom to sign me up.

Unlike Kendall, James and Carlos, I wasn't very good on my skates. So on the first day of practice I got on the ice and within moments fell on my face and cut open my chin. I started to cry, more so out of surprise and fear at seeing the blood than actual pain. James and Carlos started to help me up but the other kids started to laugh at me, calling me a klutz and a crybaby. But that didn't last long because before James and Carlos even had me upright Kendall had picked up a huge mound of snow and thrown it at the kids laughing at me.

"Hey! Don't laugh at my best friend!" he yelled, picking up more snow and expertly started to skate over to the kids who were trying to run away but started to slide all over the ice themselves. "See! You're all klutzes too! But you bullies don't have awesome friends to help you up so nyeh!" Kendall yelled, sticking his tongue out at them and throwing more snow their way. Once he was sure they learned their lesson he skated back over to me. "You okay Logie?" he asked, looking up at my with shining green eyes. I had never noticed how green they were before.

"Y-yeah…" I sniffled, trying to wipe away my tears but the movement caused me to start to slide again. I tried to regain my balance but felt myself start to fall forward again but then I stopped. Kendall and grabbed me and was holding me straight.

"I gotcha. Carlos and James went to go get Coach, you're probably going to need stitches."

"Stitches?" I gasped but it sounded more like a squeak of terror.

"Don't worry, they're not that bad. I got some in my elbow last summer when I fell off a swing. See?" Kendall let go of me just long enough to roll up but sleeve and show me the small scar he had on his elbow. "Maybe if you're lucky you'll get a scar too!"

I made a face "I hope not."

"Scars are cool!" Kendall grinned and I couldn't help but laugh.

My mom came to pick me up early from the peewee hockey practice and she took me to the hospital. I did have to get stitches but not many. The next monday when I went to school Kendall ran over as we got off the bus. "Did you get stitches?" He demanded

"Yup." I lifted my chin up to show him.

"Cool! You got blue ones! Mine were just regular black. Im so jealous!" he exclaimed but he seemed more cheerful than jealous. And for the first time I didn't really mind that warm feeling in my stomach.

After that I was more than just nice and polite to Kendall. I really became his friend and by the time K-5 started my new favorite shape was the square. And my new favorite color was green.

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**Well that was the first chapter! I know it was short but it was more of a setting the stage type of thing for later on.**

**Man, I have to say I love the 'enter line' button. It's been a while since I've written anything on here and they didn't have that last time. Makes things so much easier.**

**If I get reviews I'll have the next chapter up tomorrow morning!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well thanks to everyone who reviewed! Ya'll are great. Here's chapter 2! **

**Disclaimer: Still Don't Own Anything.**

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Over the years we all grew up and even though we were almost always together we all turned out very differently.

That trip to the doctor when I was five made me become fascinated with medicine. The doctor made me stop bleeding and stop hurting so easily that I wanted to do that for people too. James decided he wanted to be a singer and he was so good too. Not that I would ever stroke that huge ego of his by telling him that. Carlos wanted to be…well…Carlos just wanted to be something awesome and I was sure he would be. And Kendall still wanted to be a hockey superstar. He was the best player on our team and even though we were still just Freshman high school there were already scouts watching him.

And they weren't the only ones watching him either. That cocky little blonde kid had grown up to be a pretty hot guy. It still made me groan in horror every time I thought of him like that. I had come to terms with the fact I was gay two months ago. That realization had come to me just as every other thing did, by following a logical train of thought. All the boys in school, including my best friends, were talking about girls and I had no interest in them. By then all of them had had their first kisses with girls, I hadn't and had no desire to. When we all went to go see the second Star Wars movie they were all talking about how hot Padme was, I hadn't even noticed her but I had noticed how Anakin had grown up, very nicely too. And finally, the most crushing fact that couldn't be disputed with was the day I was riding bikes with the guys and rode my bike into a tree just because Kendall smiled at me after telling some lame joke that I for some reason found hilarious.

The day I realized I was gay was also the second time I had to go get stitches. On my shoulder this time, stupid tree branch.

Being gay wasn't a hard realization to accept, we lived in Minnesota, not Texas, things were pretty lax most places when it came to being gay. Sure, it wasn't great but it definitely wasn't the worst thing in the world. Gay, I could deal with just fine. The monster sized crush I had on Kendall I wasn't so sure about. When I first realized how I felt, I panicked. I stayed home from school for the entire week faking sick. Luckily my mom bought the excuse, not so lucky, my friends didn't.

That Saturday they came over to my house while my dad was at work and mom out grocery shopping and demanded to know what was really wrong.

"It's just the flu. Really guys. I must have picked it up when I got my stitches at the hospital."

"We don't buy that. You never get sick!" Kendall insisted and just his voice made that burning feeling in my stomach intensify. It had never really gone away since I was a kid, for a bit I thought about going to doctor to have it checked out but ultimately decided I didn't want to risk the feeling going away. It was comforting in a weird sort of way.

"Yeah and if it was the flu you'd go all mad scientist on it and create some super potion that'd make you better by the next day!" Carlos insisted.

"Tell us what's really going on. We're not leaving until you do." Kendall said, crossing his arms.

I sighed loudly. Kendall was the type that always got his way no matter what and I knew that he really wouldn't leave until I told the truth. So I moved out of the way and let them inside. Without even having to discuss it we went up to my room, even though my parents weren't home I closed the door behind us. I sat on my bed cross-legged and the others took their regular spots. We all knew each other so well by then, it didn't matter who's house we were in anymore, they were all home to us. Carlos sat in the spinning office chair at my desk, lazily spinning back and forth in a sort of half circle. James sat in the beanie bag chair that had an unobstructed view of the mirror on my door. And Kendall sat on the open window sill with one leg dangling off the side of my house and the other pulled to his chest. I always inwardly winced when he sat there, with my room being on the second floor my brain always ran through the possibilities of injury if he fell from that height. But every time I brought it up he'd just laugh it off.

"So, are you ready to tell us why you've been avoiding us all week?" Kendall asked bluntly "James is getting worry lines he's been so on edge. We all are."

"I haven't been avoiding you guys!" I objected

"You barely texted us back at all. And you haven't answered your emails or been on Facebook!" James said, not looking away from where he was inspecting himself in the mirror, looking for any sign of those worry lines Kendall mentioned.

"Ive just been busy thinking about some things…" I said honestly. I really hadn't been trying to avoid them in particular, just all human contact in general.

"What kind of things?" Kendall asked calmly.

I was silent, looking down at my hands that rested in my lap.

"Common man! You can tell us anything!" Carlos hopped up, sitting beside me on the bed and patting me on the back. "It can't be that bad!"

"I don't want you guys to hate me…" I finally said quietly. Even though Minnesota on average had a high percentage rate for accepting homosexuality didn't mean that my friends favored it. I couldn't bare the thought of loosing any of them, especially a certain blonde.

"We won't hate you. Right guys?" Kendall asked the others seriously.

"Right"

"Yeah"

"See?" Kendall smiled "We could never hate you. We just want to know what's wrong so maybe we can help."

"It's just…Im…" I took a deep breath and bit my bottom lip. Shaking my head I finally let out the two words I haven't even dared say out loud to myself. "Im gay." I said with a resolute and calm acceptance that even surprised me.

That was met with silence, for a long moment no one said anything. I started to panic, thinking they did hate me, scared that I had ruined a ten year friendship with something I couldn't even control. Then finally-

"That's it?" Kendall asked with a relieved smile "I thought it was something serious, I've known that forever!"

"Wait what!? What do you mean you've known forever! I just figured it out last week!" I said flabbergasted.

"It's kind of obvious man." Carlos grinned "We don't care though, we think it's cool."

"Cool?"

"Hell yeah!" James grinned "Gay people own most of Hollywood! You can help make me famous!"

"I can't believe this. You all knew!"

"Of corse we did. We figured you knew too though and just didn't want to say anything." Kendall shrugged "What made you finally figure it out though?" he asked curiously.

I blushed bright red, telling them I was gay was one thing but there was no way I was going to spill my crush on Kendall. Honestly, I was still hoping it'd just go away on its own. "I just…when we were riding bikes the other day I saw a cute guy and sort of got distracted…"

"That's why you crashed your bike!" Carlos said in understanding.

I nodded embarrassed "Yeah."

"How many stitches did you have to get this time?" James asked haughtily. He was the only one of us who never had to get stitches before, Kendall has had the most accidents out of all of us and Carlos had had a nasty spill when we were nine and had to have eleven stitches on his knee. James always loved to brag about his 'flawless, unscarred skin.'

"Um, fifteen I think." I said, scrunching up my nose, trying to remember.

"No fair, that's more than I got when that guy from Buckley hit me with the puck last season! Let me see!" Kendall said affronted. He got off the windows sill, thank god, and squished between Carlos and I.

"What?" I spoke in a squeaky tone once more, I seemed to do that a lot when Kendall was around. But considering all the sleep overs we've had over the years and the fact we go swimming almost every day during the summer, the idea of taking my shirt off in front of Kendall wasn't a new thing but somehow it just seemed different now.

"Let me see, I want to see what fifteen stitches looks like."

I sighed and while it was more difficult than just taking off my shirt it was easier on my racing heart to stretch the collar of my shirt down just enough to remove the bandaid and show them the four inch cut along my shoulder that was stitched up with bright cherry red stitches.

"No fair, my doctor keeps on giving me boring black and grey stitches." Kendall frowned, running two fingers along my injury softly. Despite the statistical improbability I knew my heart stopped for a second. But just as suddenly as his touch had started it was gone.

Luckily before I had the chance to try and string together an answer through my jumbled thoughts, I heard the front door close downstairs. "Logan! I saw your friends bike's the driveway, I got everyone some chicken nuggets!" My mom called up the stairs and all my friends got up excitedly, running down. I followed last, just behind Kendall, putting my bandaid back in place as I hoped down two steps at a time. I pushed the touch to the back of my mind, Kendall had always been a touchy feely sort of guy, I knew it meant nothing. And that alone hurt more than the injury that Kendall had so obliviously caused.

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**I know it's not as slashy as you probably all wanted but I promise the next chapter is going to be in LA and where the Kogan fun really begins. But I can't decide whether I should keep it light and fluffy or go a bit more angsty. Any input on that matter or anything else is always appreciated so review away!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, this chapter turned out to be a lot longer than I expected. And there is a major angst and self harm warning for this chapter but it does get a bit lighter towards the end. I was actually going to keep it fluffy but then slowly this chapter just became more and more angsty and it just spiraled from there. **

**So I'd say I hope you enjoy it but then you might feel a bit sadistic for enjoying someone else's pain so I'll just let you be on your reading way...**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own.**

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Going to LA was probably the best thing that had ever happened to me. If I thought Minnesota was fairly gay friendly, this place was on a permanent Pride Fest. James was right when he said that half of Hollywood was owned by gay people. Not that everyone there and at the Palm Woods was gay, there were a lot of happily straight and bisexual people too but there was also more possible boyfriends here than were ever in Minnesota.

I had eventually come out to my parents and a few other friends who I knew I could trust. My sexuality wasn't a secret but I didn't scream it from the roof tops either. I was happy being me, Logan Mitchell, resident genius and member of Big Time Rush who just also happened to be gay. My sexuality didn't define me, it was just a part of who I was like my hair color or my name or my crush on Kendall.

I didn't get over it as easily as I hoped I would, if anything it got stronger especially once we moved into the Palm Woods. Living twenty-four seven with the guy you're crushing on isn't exactly the best way to get over said crush. Especially when you end up sharing a room with him and have to watch him change for bed _every single night_. You'd think that knowing I was gay he'd be a bit more discreet but no, Kendall was just as much of an exhibitionist as he had always been.

Finally though, that perfect little wall I so carefully built around myself and my feelings for Kendall went crashing down. And that was caused by none other then Jo. Jo took Kendall away from me and I couldn't even hate her for it. She was just so nice and polite and so…so fluffy! She reminded me of a ball of cotton candy she was so fluffy and soft and sweet and who didn't like cotton candy? Kendall loved cotton candy so he of corse fell for her hard and fast.

I always knew I could never have him but that fact was so much easier to deal with before he actually had someone. Before Jo we could hang out together and I could just pretend we were something other than two best buds. Now though _she _took up all his time, all his thoughts, all his everything. Before we went to bed each night I had to listen to him talk about her, how smart she was, how pretty she was, what a great kisser she was…but the worst part was when he'd try to hook me up with someone. I knew he was just trying to help but having the guy you're head over heels for set you up with someone else is like…no words can describe it. When he does that it's just that final blow, letting me know that he could never ever care about me the way I do him.

There's no logic to what I do next. I've read the statistics on this sort of thing and I know they're not good but for once logic, statistics, what's the _smart_ thing to do doesn't matter. All that matters is that for the first time since I was four years old I feel like Im truly alone. James and Carlos are great but they each have a girlfriend too, well Carlos has a girl he wants to make his girlfriend and James has girlfriend_s_ but it's the principle of the matter. They're both to busy for me too and I don't think any of them have even realized it.

When we're not rehearsing I lounge around the pool or hang out in the park, I don't want Mama Knight or Katie to think something's up with me. They're both a lot more perceptive than the guys but I know that around noon Katie will get bored and go out to cause trouble and Mama Knight has to be at work or goes to run errands around one. So about that time I always go back to 2J. The room is a lot different when nobody else is in it, it's so huge I can hear the echo of my own voice. It almost sounded like it was mocking me, reminding me I was alone and the only company I had was my own voice.

I went to the bathroom and rolled up my sleeves, the barely healing scars from the nasty little habit I've picked up these last few weeks were still clearly visible against my skin. Some had almost disappeared, others were getting there and even more looked like they were just beginning to heal. I picked up a razor and slid it across my skin, the feeling didn't even make me wince anymore. I kept the marks more towards the center of my forearm rather than my wrist. I wasn't doing this because I wanted to kill myself, I just wanted some control.

I couldn't control the fact that I was gay. I couldn't control falling for Kendall. I couldn't control him falling for Jo. But I can control this, I swiped the razor across my arm, deeper this time, the deepest I had gone yet. I smiled a bit at the blood and knew that what I was doing was wrong but it made me feel better in its own way. Not only did it give me some control that I seemed to lack everywhere else in my life but secretly I was also punishing Kendall. I knew he'd be angry if he ever found out what I was doing to myself and this was just sort of a haha look what I can do.

I closed my eyes tightly, letting the blood from the latest cut seep down my arm. I normally didn't bleed this much, always being careful not to go too deep. Cutting was one thing to punish Kendall, dying was another. Dying would punish my family and other friends who really had no idea whatsoever about what was going on. Though…neither did Kendall.

I sighed. It wasn't fair of me to be so angry at him, he didn't know I liked him and had no idea how his dating Jo affected me. I grabbed some toilet paper and dabbed at the marks until they stopped bleeding or at least were barely oozing anymore. Once they stopped I pulled my sleeve back up, letting the fabric brush up against the open cuts a harsh reminder of what I had done. I flushed the bloody tissue down the toilet and washed the razor, completely erasing all evidence of what I had done. I then went back into my and Kendall's room, sat on my bed and started to do my homework as if nothing was wrong.

It wasn't until a few hours later that anyone came home.

"Hello? Mom? Anyone here?" Kendall called and just his voice made my stomach burn hotter. I had really started to hate that feeling again.

"Im here" I called automatically and Kendall came waltzing into our room with that goofy grin on his face.

"Hey, what are you doing here? It's our day off, you should be out." He said, plopping himself on his bed, facing me.

"I had some homework to catch up on." I shrugged it off easily. Over these past few weeks I had become much better at lying then I used to be.

"Homework? You always get that stuff done right away? Why are you still working on it now?"

"I wanted to add some more quotes to my book report."

"But we only needed three." Kendall said, laying back and putting his hands behind his head.

"Well maybe if the rest of you did a little bit extra we wouldn't always be scrambling last minute to pass." I smiled cheekily at him and he just stuck out his tongue at me.

"As if. Why do it now when we can wait for a rainy day. On a day like today we should be outside, hanging out by the pool, playing some street hockey."

"Weren't you supposed to be out with Jo today?" I asked, trying to swallow down that lump in my throat.

"Yeah but she had go film a scene so I thought I'd find one of you guys to hang out with. You're the first one I found. James and Carlos are AWOL."

"Oh that's never good." I said, reaching to the bedside table in between my bed and Kendall's to grab my soda.

"Whoa" Kendall suddenly shot up and grabbed my wrist "What's that?" he asked frowning. My light grey button up shirt had a dark and growing stain on the forearm, right above where my deepest cut was.

"Nothing." I snatched my arm back quickly.

"No, Logan I think you're bleeding." Kendall took my arm back again and tried to push up my sleeve. I pulled my arm away from him again but he wouldn't let go. I kept on struggling, desperately trying to get out of his grasp but he had always been the stronger of the two of us. He managed to push up my sleeve and froze, eyes raking over my arm.

I finally got my arm back and quickly pulled my sleeve back down as if covering it up would some how make it all go away.

"Kendall. I can…I can explain…" I tried feebly.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Logan!?" Kendall yelled and I winced.

"It just helps me cope! Im always careful not to go to deep or get to close to my wrists."

"Cope? What is so wrong that you needed to do _that_ to yourself to cope!?" Kendall stood up, pointing at my arm accusingly. "You could have come to me or to James or Carlos or my Mom if you didn't want to talk to us about it. You should never have to do something like that to yourself!" He yelled so loud that his voice cracked.

"You guys wouldn't understand!"

"How do you know, you didn't even try!"

"How could I try when you guys are always gone!" I yelled and Kendall opened his mouth to respond but I just kept on going "Nobody's ever around anymore. Carlos is always trying to impress Stephanie or a Jennifer and James is slowly working his way through dating every model and actress here and you, you have Jo. You're always with her or talking about her or thinking about her! How the hell can I burst your stupid little happy bubble by bringing this up!?"

"I would rather have you 'burst a bubble' than hurt yourself!" He yelled and kicked the wall, I had never seen him get this worked up before. "Cutting yourself is never the answer, I don't care if you weren't trying to kill yourself or if you were being _careful_ it's wrong!" He grabbed my bleeding arm and shoved it in my face, making me look at what I had done to myself "You don't deserve to be hurt like this and you especially shouldn't be doing this to yourself! Fuck Logan!"

I shoved him away, finally standing up myself "Im already hurting Kendall! Ive been hurting for ages, what makes it so different now that you can actually see the scars and the blood! You didn't care before, why should you care now?" I felt the tears filling my eyes and I felt like such an idiot.

"Of corse I cared! I just didn't know!" He yelled but then stopped at the same moment the first tear ran down my cheek. Just like that the anger seemed to drain out of him. "But I should have known...I should have noticed something was wrong." he grabbed me by the front of my shirt and pulled me over to him. He hugged me tightly, one arm around my waist and the other holding my bleeding arm. He didn't even seem to mind that his own shirt was getting blood and tears on it. I buried my face in his shoulder and cried, I couldn't help it. Everything I had been feeling and bottling up inside was just exploding out of me.

Kendall rocked and shooshed me gently. "Im sorry, Im so sorry Logie. I shouldn't have let Jo take up so much of my time that I didn't notice you were hurting." Slowly I began to calm down enough to realize that it was _Kendall's_ arms I was in. This might be a once in a lifetime experience after all, being held so closely by him so I decided to make the most of it while it lasted. As the last tears fell I closed my eyes, just taking everything in, his smell, how it felt to touch him, the sound of his heart, the heat of his breath against my ear as he spoke. "God, what kind of leader am I if I can't even notice things have gotten this bad…?"

"No, it's not your fault." I heard myself speaking before I even realized I had said something "I-I did it. It had nothing to do with you." That was a blatant lie but what else could I really say? I couldn't let him blame himself even if he was the trigger to it all "I've just been stressed with the band and school and stuff…"

"Maybe we can talk to the guys and Gustavo. Get a break or something?" He offered, looking down at me.

"No, a break now would be disastrous for our album. Ill be fine really."

"Logan-"

"Really, Kendall its okay. I-I'll find other ways to cope. I promise."

"Fine but Im staying around more to watch you. And if you start doing this again Im telling my mom and we're going to get you some help." Kendall said sternly and not all to happily, as if he really wanted to do those things right now.

"Agreed." I knew it would be hard to stop but having Kendall around more might make it a little easier.

Much to my disappointment Kendall let go of me and stepped back but he still held onto my arm. One of my cuts was still bleeding, actually covering Kendall's hand with it's blood, maybe I had gone deeper then I thought.

"Common, we need to take care of this." Kendall took me into the bathroom and sat me down on the edge of the bathtub. He grabbed a wash cloth and wetted it, slowly cleaned away the blood until he could see my cut. He frowned but didn't say anything, instead he left the room, coming back with a first aid kit and his mom's sewing kit.

"Wait, what do you plan on doing?" I asked nervously.

"This needs stitching and we can't take you to a doctor. Even Doc Hollywood isn't blind enough not to see what you've been doing to yourself. They'd call my mom and probably your parents and a bunch of mental health professionals. I've had stitches enough times myself to know what to do." He said and I watched him warily. I knew he was right but that didn't make me anymore comfortable with the idea of him sticking a needle into me. Kendall wasn't exactly known for his gentleness and light touch.

But I was impressed, he sterilized everything in a hydrogen peroxide mix then sterilized my cut before he kneeled in front of me and began stitching. It barely hurt at all and when it did get uncomfortable Kendall would smile and start talking to me to take my mind off of it. When he got to the end he tied a neat knot and then wrapped up my arm, he even got me a new shirt to change into while he cleaned up.

Once I was changed and he had put everything away we met up in the living room. I gave him an awkward smile "Thanks…for being a friend." I realized that Kendall did love me, maybe not the way I wanted him to but I'd rather have him in my life like this than nothing at all.

I expected some cocky but playful retort or a pat on the back. I didn't expect him to reach out and take my hand. "Don't thank me. A good friend wouldn't have let things get this bad in the first place."

"Kendall-"

"Don't argue with me. It's true and I promise I'll do better." he squeezed my hand but then let it go and finally gave me that clap on the back I was expecting. "Common, lets play some video games."

"Jo's probably done filming her scene by now. Shouldn't you call her?" I asked

"Nah, tonight it's just you and me buddy." Kendall grinned such an infectious smile that I soon found myself grinning back. I knew he just probably wanted to keep an eye on me to make sure I didn't go straight back to cutting but I was okay with that. It just showed me that he really did care.

So take that Ms. Cotton Candy Jo.

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**There's chapter 3. I don't think I've ever written a story this fast but I really like this one. So PLEASE REVIEW. As of now I only have 2 reviews for chapter two...though it has only been up for a few hours...but I am a certified review hog and they do help me keep up this faster writing pace. So whatcha waiting for?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's chapter 4. Thanks for all the awesome reviews for Chap 3. Ya'll are still awesome. And this chapter is definitely not as angsty as the last and we're FINALLY getting into the serious Koganess. Woohoo.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush. If I did it probably wouldn't be on a kids network...**

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Kendall kept an eye on me after that.

I was hardly allowed to go anywhere alone anymore, sometimes it was annoying but mostly I thought it was sort of sweet. I think he must have hinted to the guys that something was wrong because on our next day off we all went to the hockey rink together instead of going our separate ways.

I knew Jo was starting to get annoyed though and even though she wasn't my favorite person in the world I did feel sort of bad for taking up so much of her boyfriend's time. So after I couple weeks I started to try and ditch Kendall which was surprisingly difficult. He was very good at trailing me but I hoped if I could just loose him he'd give up and go spend time with Jo. Because if she broke up with him it'd be my fault and then he'd resent me and we'd start fighting so much that I'd have to leave our room and eventually 2J all together and then I'd have no where to sleep and have to go back home and BTR would be over and James' dream would be crushed and it'd be all my fault!

So I had to get him off my back and make him spend time with Jo.

I tried distracting him with his favorite foods, turning sharp corners and hiding, I even tried a disguise but he found me every single time. I was starting to think he had me lo-jacked or something. And it seemed every time I tried to loose him he'd just follow me closer. I knew he was getting suspicious as to why I wanted him off my trail but seriously, Im a genius, getting Kendall to spend time with his girlfriend instead of stalking me shouldn't be this hard!

Yet still part of me can't believe Im going through all this trouble to get Kendall _away_ from me. Im seriously starting to this god or the primordial force or whatever the heck is out there, has a major problem with me.

But after almost three days of trying to loose him I finally did. It wasn't easy, it took a lot of water guns, pink smoothies and several size six dresses but it worked. Kendall was nowhere to be found and neither was Jo, so hopefully when he lost me he found her and they were off on their merry way. Which of corse made my stomach drop. Now I was back to being Kendalless, great. But I refused to start cutting again, if not for my own sake than for his sake.

Maybe I could start working on that solar powered hover board Ive been meaning to build. We don't have to be in the studio until that evening so I had plenty of time.

I walked back to 2J, going over the schematics in my head. I opened the door and screamed "How did you do that!?" I demanded to Kendall who leaned against the kitchen counter, just waiting.

"I just figured you'd come back to the room eventually." He shrugged and I mentally cursed myself. "Now, are you going to tell me why you want to get rid of me. Are you cutting again because I won't cover for you this time Logan."

"Im not cutting again!" I sighed loudly

"Prove it"

I pulled up my sleeves and just like I had said there were no new cuts and the old ones were practically gone. I never did scar easily, soon I should actually be able to start wearing t-shirts again. "See? I promised I'd stop and I did."

"Then why are you avoiding me."

"Im not avoiding you."

"Like hell you aren't."

"Look, Kendall, you've been spending so much time stalking me that you've hardly spent any with Jo. Ya know, your girlfriend."

"I told Jo I wanted to spend more time with my friends. She gets that."

"Kendall, she's a girl who _really_ likes you. And take it from me, it sucks when you're crazy for someone and they have 'better things to do than be with you' attitude." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"You like somebody! Who?" Kendall asked with a smile.

"No one you know." I lied quickly

"Then tell me about him."

"Kendall…"

"Come on Logie, you've never had a boyfriend before. You've barely even dated. This is exciting. Maybe the guys and I can come up with a plan and help get you two together!"

"No!"

"Then you better tell me about him."

"I can't."

"Oh, look, here's my phone." he took his phone out of his pocket. "Im about to call James." he went to his contacts.

"You wouldn't." I said horrified. I knew if James found out I liked someone, he'd tell Carlos and then those two wouldn't leave me alone until I told them who it was. And _nobody_ could ever know who I liked. _EVER_.

"Oh yes I would." He hovered his finger over James' name.

"Fine! Okay, I'll tell you about him. But no names."

"I accept your terms Loganator." He said, putting his phone back in his pocket and going over to sit on the couch. I followed a bit more slowly, sitting beside him but not to close.

"Well…he's amazing." I started off, leaning my head back and looking at the ceiling, my hands folded in my lap. "He is a kind, caring, genuinely honest guy. He can make you feel better even if you're so low you think you can never get up again. Ive never met someone as loyal as he is either, he has this sort of love you, faults and all no matter what attitude. He's funny too, always able to make me laugh. And he's a natural leader, not in that bossy tyrannical way but in a more democratic sense where he takes everyone's views and feelings into account. He's not perfect though, not nearly. He can also be hard headed, stubborn and completely oblivious. And he has this annoying habit of always having to be right even when he's so so wrong. A lot of the time I almost forget all the bad though because the good is just so much it overpowers everything else. He is the most dynamic, fiery, beautiful person I can imagine." I smiled, my heart racing just thinking about Kendall.

"Wow…I was expecting a James or Carlos type answer like 'he's so hot' or 'he just rocks' I didn't think I'd get all that." Kendall said with a slight frown "I've been hanging out with you pretty closely for weeks now. If you know him so well why haven't I seen you talking to him?" Kendall asked confused.

"Well…uh, you probably did but just um didn't notice." I stammered, this was getting way to close for comfort.

"Logan."Kendall frowned "What aren't you telling me?"

Dammit, he could be to perceptive for his own good sometimes. Maybe he wasn't as oblivious as I had thought. "I told you everything about him already. What more do you want to know?"

"I wanna know why you're not with this guy if he's so great."

"He's straight. Im in love with a straight guy okay!" I said but then stopped suddenly.

_Love_

I had liked Kendall for a while but I never had put the word love to it before. But the more I thought about it the surer I was that that was what I was feeling. Love. Now Im really fucked.

"Oh" Kendall said sympathetically, having no idea about the major internal revelation I had just had "But how do you know for sure he's straight. Maybe he's just not flaming gay. I mean a lot of people wouldn't peg you for gay if they just randomly met you in the lobby or at the pool."

"He has a girlfriend."

"Well…um maybe it's just a cover."

I laughed "Thanks for trying to make me feel better but I know you're straight."

_OH MY FUCKING GOD!_

Please tell me that didn't just happen. Please, oh please, oh please, oh please. I can't believe I just said that, I had been so careful over the years to make sure I didn't look at him to long or smile to much and now I go make a mistake like that. Maybe he didn't notice, who knows, he might not have been listening that closely.

"What?" Kendall asked stunned.

_Shit, shit, shit!_

"Huh?" I asked, hoping I could play it off, make him think he heard wrong.

"You said you know Im straight."

"What? No I didn't."

"Yes you did…Logan, do you like me…?" Kendall asked but by the look on his face I knew he already figured out the answer. He looked like a kid who just fit the last puzzle piece into a thousand part jigsaw.

"Can we just drop it, please." I begged, knowing there was no point in denying it anymore.

"No we can't, this is serious. Is that why you hurt yourself?" He asked softly.

I closed my eyes and nodded "I just lost it for a bit Kendall. When you started to date Jo, I wasn't used to you having someone else and it just got to me is all. It wasn't your fault, not really. Don't blame yourself."

"How can I not blame myself. You like me and I've been stupid enough not to see it."

"I worked my ass off to hide it from you Kendall. I didn't want you to know, _ever,_ and you wouldn't know now if I had just kept my mouth shut."

"You should have told me."

"Why? What good is it to make an idiot out of myself and tell my best friend Im head over heels in love with him and have been for almost three years now."

"I would have been more careful! I wouldn't have gone on and on about Jo all the time or try to set you up with weird guys. I can't imagine how I must have made you feel! No wonder you started cutting!"

"I'd rather have you do that stuff than tip toe around me like Im some fragile china doll!"

"I had a right to know." He said, slouching a little bit, crossing his arms and pouting.

"They're my feelings Kendall."

"I know that but…all the stuff you said earlier. It was about me wasn't it…did you mean it? Do you really see me that way?"

I blushed, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly "Yeah, I do. You're a great friend and a great person."

He smiled "Jo never says anything like that about me. I mean, I know she likes me and all but sometimes I just get the feeling that there's more out there for both of us. And soon she'll be seeing it."

"What do you mean?"

"Jo's out today doing a call back audition for the Chauncey Jackson series. I dropped her off this morning and I know she's a shoe in for the part. Everyone else there looked like they had no experience whatsoever compared to her. And even though she hasn't mentioned it I know that the filming will be out of the country, Ive read the first book and there's no where in America that could ever work for a background."

"Oh, Im sorry." I said, even thought I wasn't. "But you don't know for sure, CGI and other technologies are way more advanced now a days. They might be able to do it all in the studios."

"I doubt it Logan but even so, Jo's about to enter the biggest franchise movies have ever seen. It wouldn't be fair of me to hold onto her and stop her from experiencing it all. Jo's great but that's all. We were starting to fall apart anyways."

"Im sorry"

"You said that already."

"I know but I don't really know what else to say." I admitted softly. "But…are you mad at me?"

"What? Mad at you? Where did that come from?" Kendall asked me with a frown.

"About me…loving you…"

Kendall laughed "Why would that make me mad?"

"Because I've ruined everything! Now that you know we can never be the same again! You're just in shock now, soon it'll all get awkward between us and the whole band will fall apart!"

"Whoa, calm down Logan. I think it's nice." His lips quirked up in a thoughtful smile. "Nobody's ever said stuff about me like that before."

"You think that now but-"

"Shut up Logan, stop thinking about the worst case scenario for once."

"Im not, Im thinking realistically. You're straight, you cannot honestly be completely okay with your male best friend liking you!"

"Why not? Who says I can't be fine with it? Im not just going to stop being your friend because developed feelings you can't help. I didn't leave you when you said you were gay, I didn't leave when I found out you were cutting, why would I leave you because of something like this?"

"Because!" I said exasperated, grabbing him by the shoulders and yanking him forward, crushing my lips with his roughly. Resisting him when he didn't know was one thing but now that he knew and still stood by me...I couldn't hold back any longer.

It wasn't by any means a perfect first kiss. Our noses smashed together, our teeth clinked and one of us had slightly oniony breath. I kissed him like I was a dying man who just found water and he kissed me back while trying not to smile. It was messy and my neck was at an awkward position and all to soon we ran out of oxygen. We broke apart and leaned back into our own seats, I hadn't even noticed that we had both moved forward to get closer to the other.

And then Kendall started to laugh.

I stood up and through a pillow at him "Well Im sorry my kissing is so bad it's funny!" I couldn't help but feel insulted. I finally kissed the love of my life and he laughed at me, honestly how is that supposed to make me feel? I stormed off towards our room angrily but Kendall got up and ran after me.

"No, Logan, I wasn't laughing at that!" He grabbed my arm "I was laughing because I was happy. I liked the kiss."

"You-what? No, you're straight. Don't lie to me, I don't need any pity." I shook my head. This was all just so surreal.

"It's not pity. And I know I've never shown interest in a guy before but I never met one worth giving it a shot before. Jo and I are inevitably going to break up when she gets this part and you're smart, funny, nice and we get along great. Why should I let the fact you're a guy stop me from liking you?"

"Because of the band. How will James and Carlos take this or Gustavo or Griffin or our fans. And what if we don't work out?"

"You're thinking about the worst case scenario again."

"No Im not, these are real possibilities that we should think about."

"Will thinking about them make you stop loving me?"

"Well…no…"

"Everything that you're trying to fight are things we can't change. These feelings won't just go away. We might as well enjoy them."

I sighed "Not now. Wait until Jo moves away and then maybe we can talk about it. I want you to think about it and be sure." I said softly, I still couldn't believe that this was happening. There must be another explanation for why Kendall suddenly 'liked' me but I couldn't think of one.

"Fine, Im sure I won't change my mind though."

"We'll see."

"One last kiss before you send me off to 'think about what I've done?'" Kendall asked cheekily, pulling me close to his chest. And really, how could I say no?

I smiled and put my hand on the back of his neck before leaning up and kissing him. This kiss was much nicer than the first. Our lips melded together like they were were always supposed to be that way. Kendall had one hand running softly through my hair and the other pressed against my lower back pulling me closer to him. I had thought about what it'd be like to kiss him and this exceeded all expectations.

Kendall quickly took control of the kiss, his tongue pressing against my lips and I opened them eagerly. He explored my mouth hungrily and started to back me up slowly, looking for a more comfortable place. But I was leaning my body against his so tightly that when he moved my legs tangled up in his and I fell backwards. Kendall tried to catch me but missed and I ended up hitting the back of my head against the corner of the foosball table.

"Logan!" Kendall kneeled beside me "Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I-I think so…" I groaned, feeling the back of my head and frowning, there was a pretty deep cut and I could feel the warm wetness of oozing blood.

"Common, I need to take you to the hospital." Kendall said, helping me up quickly.

We went to the nearest hospital and I got my head looked at, luckily I didn't have a concussion but I need over ten stitches. When the doctor asked what had happened Kendall just smiled at me.

"Oh, he just tripped and fell head over heels is all."

And I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I had a feeling that if I thought keeping my crush on Kendall a secret was hard, him knowing was going to be ten times worse.

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**Yay, their first kiss! I liked it but honestly thought it was pretty cheesy. Tell me what you think though. Review and be awesome.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Now this has nothing to do with anything, well it sort of does but while I was writing the first part of this chapter I kept on listening to the song Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon and all I could think of was Kogan. Seriously, its an amazing song for this pairing, especially when they're still in the unrequited love phase of things.**

**I know this is a shorter chapter than what Ive recently been dishing out lately but I noticed that the story seems to get more attention when I publish chapters later at night rather than earlier so I decided to make a push and get this chapter out tonight even though I just posted one a few hours earlier. All in all Im not exactly sure how long this story will be or where exactly it will end. Im sort of playing it by ear at this point and gauging how long I should continue based on the reviews. Which have all been pretty great so far, thank you all. But Ill stop my rambling which probably none of you are actually reading and get on with the actual story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush, the characters or any of their general awesomeness.**

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Jo was gone. And it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. The very night that she left Kendall pulled me into his bed and kissed me until we fell asleep curled up together. The next morning he showed no awkwardness at all, waking me up with a kiss before going to take a shower. But we never really got a chance to talk because that very day Griffin came to oversee the release of our summer single.

After that drama was over James almost got married to a princess and a new girl moved into the Palm Woods. Lucy was interesting to say the least and I didn't mind her because since James and Carlos were busy fighting over her Kendall and I finally had some time to ourselves. Well after his whole day long obsession in proving Lucy that we did rock. But hey, like I said, Kendall always had to prove he was right no matter what. I was used to his stubbornness by now.

The next day though James and Carlos were out running errands for Lucy, I don't know how she roped them into doing that but I thank her for it because Kendall and I finally had the place to ourselves. I was putting the last touches on a science project when I felt arms snake around my shoulders and lips press against my neck.

"You're so cute when you're being all nerdy." Kendall whispered in my ear and I laughed, pushing him off.

"Since when is me being a nerd cute?"

"Since always." he shrugged, hoping over the back of the sofa to sit beside me. "Now I just don't feel weird about saying it aloud."

"So, I take it you've thought things over?" I asked slowly and Kendall nodded.

"Yeah and I didn't change my mind. I like you Logie, I know I never said anything before but I guess I just tried to ignore it. You may have been able to come to terms with the fact you were gay early on but you're a genius, Im not. I can't follow logic and then make myself deal with the inevitable. Procrastination and denial are my best friends, don't tell James and Carlos, they'd be jealous." he couldn't help but drop in a joke. "Im not saying Im gay because I did genuinely like Jo. All I know is that you're everything I ever wanted in a person and the fact your a guy doesn't bother me. If anything its cooler because you sort of get that guy stuff that girls just don't understand."

I chuckled softly "Yeah I guess but what about the band? How will the guys, Gustavo and your mom react to this?"

"Well I was thinking and maybe we don't have to tell them all right away." Kendall said slowly but then added a fast explanation when he saw my frown. "I mean I just know that when my mom finds out she'll make me switch rooms and I would really rather be able to spend my nights with you."

I sighed "I don't want to do this if you're so ashamed of dating a guy to even tell our friends and family about us."

"Im not ashamed Logan. I just want to take things slow. Dating a guy is new to me and I don't want to screw it up, especially not with you. You're to important to me to rush this." He reached out and took my hand, squeezing it softly.

"Can we at least tell James and Carlos? They're our friends and bandmates and deserve to know."

"Fine." Kendall said, pulling me onto his lap. I smiled, resting my head on his chest as he just held me. "We'll tell them when they get home from being Lucy's bitches."

"Language." I sighed, I knew I didn't have the cleanest mouth myself but still.

"Well it's true." Kendall laughed and laid back on the couch, taking me with him so I was laying on top of him, using his body as a pillow. He ran his fingers up and down my spine softly and I had to repress a shiver. "And maybe after we tell them we can go out on a date. We'll have to be careful so no weird paparazzi catch us but I know this spot on the beach that's pretty secluded. We could have a picnic there."

"A picnic? That is so girly." I teased him but kissed his collar bone "It sounds great."

For a bit we just laid there, watching TV, curled up in each other's arms. This was more than I could have ever dreamed of happening and it was fantastic.

It wasn't until a few hours later that we were disturbed. We heard Carlos and James bickering before we saw them enter the room. They were of corse arguing over Lucy and it took until they were at the foot of the couch before they noticed Kendall and I. Neither of us had bothered moving so we were still in a fairly compromising position.

We all just sort of stared at each other for a bit. Until James smiled, "So love birds, what'd we miss?" he asked in an almost scarily cheerful voice.

Kendall laughed and propped himself up on one elbow, bringing me with him and keeping his other arm wrapped securely around my waist.

"Just Logan admitting his undying and everlasting love for me."

"Kendall!" I said, totally mortified.

"You guys won't be making out all the time around the crib now will you?" Carlos made a face. "Im all for true love and all but I just don't want to have to watch it." What he said didn't bother me at all because I knew he was the same way whenever James brought a girl over. Unless it was him engaging in it, he still thought kissing was gross.

"Don't worry, Kendall won't be making out with anyone if he keeps this up." I said sternly but everyone knew it was an empty threat.

"Aww come on. I was just kidding." Kendall laughed, kissing my cheek before looking up to James and Carlos "You guys can't tell anyone okay. I don't want my mom, Gustavo, Griffin or the magazines finding out. If they did then they'd never leave us alone." he frowned.

While I didn't like the idea of secrecy I knew how much Kendall valued his privacy, especially when it came to his relationships. He hated the way the media lied or butted into his business. And I could understand his frustration but it'd still be hard to keep public displays of affection down to a minimum. Now that I had Kendall I wanted to be able to kiss him and touch him as much as possible. I was already terribly addicted to him.

"Alright, you can count on us buddy. Your secret is safe." Carlos gave us a salute and James nodded.

"Hey guys. Can you come over to my apartment, I need you to help me get my toaster on top of my microwave that's on top of my fridge." Lucy walked in and Kendall and I scrambled up to try and sit normally. She just glanced at us and waved her hand dismissively. "Don't even bother. I know you're gay, when I first met you Kendall couldn't take his eyes off of Logan's ass." she smirked.

"Wait, you what?" I looked to Kendall who finally was embarrassed enough to blush a bit. And god it was adorable, I made a mental note to myself to get him to blush more often.

"What? It's a _very_ good looking butt."

"I can't believe you." I tried to sound chastising but it didn't work. Kendall just grinned at me innocently and I pecked him quickly.

"You can't tell anyone." Kendall said, pointing to Lucy

"Why would I tell anyone? It's not any of my business. I just need some help from my friends." she said, putting her arms around James and Carlos' shoulders with a smug smile.

"Yay" James and Carlos chorused, not sounding all to thrilled about it but they let Lucy lead them out.

Kendall and I went back to our television watching for another couple of hours until Mama Knight and Katie came home. We were careful not to tip them off to the change in Kendall and my's relationship and I think Mama Knight was fooled pretty well but Katie I wasn't so sure about. I caught her giving me a couple of suspicious looks but I might have just been imagining it.

When it started to get late in the evening Kendall made a quick excuse and we left for our date. I wasn't quite sure where he was taking me or what he had snuck into the picnic basket when his mom wasn't looking. Once we reached our destination I was awed. It was a small, secluded field that overlooked the ocean and the sunset was just beginning. It was beautiful.

"You like it or is it to girly?" Kendall asked and I could see him fidgeting a bit nervously. It made me smile that something as simple as a date location could make my 'fearless leader' so anxious.

"It fantastic." I reassured and he smiled, grabbing a blanket and our picnic basket out of the back of the car. I helped him lay out the blanket and we sat down beside each other, facing the ocean. I dug through the picnic basket and laughed, taking out two juice boxes, a pack of unopened salami, a box of nutter butters and some pepper jack cheese sticks.

"I sort of just grabbed what I could while mom wasn't looking and ran." Kendall laughed and I did too, taking out some salami and a cheese stick.

"Ive eaten worse picnics."

"Yeah, remember in the fifth grade when our class went to the zoo and the school promised us all a bagged lunch but when we got it all it was was an apple and a tub of gravy?"

I almost choked on my food I was laughing so hard "Of corse I remember. Carlos still dips his fruit slices into gravy whenever he can."

We talked and joked late into the night, the transition from best friends to boyfriends was surprisingly easy. We didn't have to force anything, it all just came natural to us. Kendall was still a very touchy feely person and now I could really appreciate that fact and he said more than once how my 'smartness is sexy.' We just worked out well together, better than I ever expected.

Eventually we had to pack up our picnic though and get back in the car. While we drove back we were both smiling from ear to ear, thrilled that our first date went so well. Things were fantastic.

Until the red truck ran the red light and headed straight for the passengers side of the car, my side. At the last minute Kendall spun the wheel to try and avoid the oncoming car but it was to late. The last thing I remembered before I blacked out was the sound of crunching metal and Kendall grabbing onto me tightly.

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**Well...I feel sort of douchey for leaving it off like this. Actually for doing that at all but while I was writing this chapter the idea just sort of jumped at me and I knew I had to go with it. Don't kill me *innocent smile***

**Please Review my awesome readers.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here is chapter 6! I know it's not very long but it made me sad to write. Some of you may have also noticed that I changed the story's second genera to angst instead of friendship. While this story does have a lot of friendship in it I figured that after this mess the angst surpassed it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush...and that's probably a good thing at this point...**

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There was this really annoying beeping sound every couple of seconds. Most people would have immediately thought the sound was a cell phone or alarm clock but I knew the sound of hospital equipment when I heard it. Even the air around me smelled like a hospital, sterile, cold, latex and cleaning products. But that didn't make any sense, I was out on a date with Kendall, why would I be in a hospital?

_Wait, oh no, it can't be._

My eyes shot open, only for me to squint at the harsh florescent lights above me. I realized I was laying on my back and tried to sit up but hands were put on my shoulders, putting enough pressure on me to get me to stop but not enough that it hurt. And that was the next thing that hit me, the pain. Both my legs were felt like they were on fire and one of my arms stung like I had shoved it through a glass window.

"Hey, don't try to move man."

I recognized James' voice and after I second I turned my neck to look at him. "What…?" I was shocked at the hoarseness of my voice. James got up and helped me take a sip of water, which I was grateful for.

"A car ran a red led and hit you and Kendall. The bastard had a blood alcohol level twice the legal limit." James said softly, helping me adjust my pillows so I could look at him easier. I felt my heart fill with dread, things must be serious if lovable but _extremely_ self centered James was being this thoughtful and quiet. And,_ it can't be,_ his hair had a slight gleam to it. Not the normal shining product sheen either, it was the oiliness of hair that hadn't been washed in at least two days. That meant that I had been unconscious for at least that long.

"Kendall?" I looked to him terrified.

"H-He spun the car last minute. If he hadn't the driver would have hit you head on and you probably wouldn't have made it."

"How is Kendall?" I repeated more deliberately but with each passing second I felt like I was choking on air.

"The doctor told me not to tell you anything that may get you worked up…"

"My right leg is broken is three places, left foot has a fractured tibia, four broken toes and a torn meniscus in my knee. My right arm had been dislocated and severely cut up. I feel the stitches. It probably went through a window. It's ugly but I'll heel and you are raising my blood pressure more by not telling me how Kendall is!" I said, voice rising steadily until I was yelling at the end. I knew it was unfair to yell at James but I couldn't help it. I had to know.

James swallowed "When he turned your car the other dude hit the engine. The BTR Mobile crunched up like a soda can, your legs were pretty badly pinned. Some people on the road stopped and were able to get you out pretty easily but they-they couldn't get Kendall out before the car started on fire…"

I swallowed, closing my eyes but for once felt no shame when the tears came. James was crying just as openly as I was, we both seemed to know that this wasn't a time to keep up manly facades. "Did he-did he…"

"H-he's still alive, eventually the firemen got him free but he's been badly burned and the smoke inhalation did a lot of damage to his lungs. They're keeping him sedated because if they woke him up he'd be in so much pain that even the strongest pain killers wouldn't help. He's in the burn unit now. T-The doctors think he'll live but they don't know if there will be any…permanent damage. He also had a lot of broken bones and stuff." James took a shuttering breath. "Carlos and I have been taking turns sitting with each of you, we switch every two hours. We can't go into Kendall's room because the doctors are scared of infections or something but they have this window to look into the room, just like they do next to the new babies room…"

"How's Katie and Mrs. Knight?"

"They're really torn up. Mama Knight just left to take Katie back to the Palm Woods for the night, Camille's parents are watching her. Everyone's been here to visit, Camille, the Jennifers, Guitar Dude, even Griffin. And Gustavo and Kelly haven't left since they got the news."

"This is all my fault…" I whispered "If Kendall hadn't turned the car to try and save me he's probably barely be hurt and-"

"Logan! Dude! This isn't your fault at all! It was that drunk dumbasses fault!"

"But if Kendall hadn't swerved-"

"Then you'd be dead and do you honestly think we'd be any better off? You're alive and Kendall will pull through too. I know he will, he won't let something as stupid as a car accident get rid of him." James said with such a certainty that I almost believed himself. Almost.

But based on James' description of what happened to Kendall I knew the odds weren't good. The bad part about being a genius who was fascinated with medicine was that I knew the honest facts. A doctor couldn't lie to me and say 'it'll only hurt a little' or 'the odds are in your favor' because I probably knew just as much as they did. And I knew that Kendall would definitely be scarred for life and the chances that there wasn't any permanent damage was literally a hundred to one.

While I was thinking all of that through my doctor came in and everything after that seemed to go by in a blur. The doctor checked me over, adjusted my meds, had to repeatedly tell me that he was the doctor and I wasn't and he said that if I stayed this stable I could go home the next day. After the doctors left I started to get visitors. First Carlos came and I was stunned at how solemn our normally energetic friend was. That more then anything James had said or done scared me. But Carlos still tried to make jokes to get me to feel better and he did, a bit. Next came Gustavo and Kelly, Kelly mostly asked if I was okay while Gustavo yelled about how he was going to make sure 'the shit head that ran over my dogs got put to sleep.' I knew that that was his way of saying he cared and had been worried. After Gustavo and Kelly left it was pretty much everyone from the Palm Woods. A lot of them brought balloons and candy and stuffed animals and I was grateful to them all and slightly awed that so many people cared this much. But none of that could take my mind off of Kendall.

I couldn't help but blame myself for this. If I hadn't told Kendall I loved him then we wouldn't have been out on that date in the first place. If Kendall did pull through and make it out okay I knew that he wouldn't want anything more to do with me. My stupid feelings had caused us to almost die, inadvertently so but still. If my right arm wasn't already severely cut up from broken glass and immobile due the cast I knew I wouldn't have been able to resist cutting. Because I deserved to be punished, Kendall didn't. Kendall didn't deserve any of this to happen to him.

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**Well there it was, now you know Kendall and Logan's conditions. How quickly and how well they get better depends on how many reviews I get. So their future is on your consciences. Yes, I know Im mean :) Muahahahahaha**


	7. Chapter 7

**If I knew threatening Kendall and Logan's health would get so many reviews I would have tried it sooner. And for being awesome reviewers here's an update on everyone's condition and more drama...Yay drama?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR**

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The weeks ticked by at an agonizingly slow pace. I was released almost three weeks ago but I hardly spent anytime resting at 2J, much to my doctor's horror. At first the guys and Mama Knight tried to get me to rest but I just couldn't, the only place I could stay still was in the small room outside of Kendall's burn until room. Finally James and Carlos just stole a small couch from one of the waiting rooms and brought it in for me to lay on which I was very thankful for. I spent most of my time just laying on that couch, legs propped up and staring through the window, watching Kendall. I could barely focus on anything else except him. Somebody, normally Mrs. Knight brought me in some food and water a few times a day. And luckily all shows or rehearsals involving Big Time Rush have been put on hold for the time being. Which was probably for the best because since the news leaked about the crash the press had been having a field day.

Who didn't love two love birds torn apart by a tragic twist of fate while on their first date.

Oh yeah, the celebrity gossip networks got a hold of my and Kendall's relationship. Apparently it was from a nurse who had overheard me talking with James on that first day about how this all was my fault. Which I still believed it was my fault but the revelation of our relationship had caused a very awkward talk between myself and Mama Knight. In the end it boiled down to the fact she was disappointed that Kendall and I tried to hide it from her but she was happy for us both and would accept us no matter what. But then she gave me an hour long lecture about the importance of safe sex which was incredibly awkward considering I was dating her son who was almost dead because of me. I appreciated the motherly gesture none the less.

My own parents had flown out for a few days themselves. I had cried in my mother's arms for hours the first night she got there. The afternoon I had lunch with them was one of the few times I left my Kendall watching. I had never been so grateful to see my parents, they had been worried sick when Mrs. Knight called them. They had also seen the stories about my and Kendall's relationship on the news and gave us their blessing. But I was still sure that when Kendall woke up the first thing he'd do was leave me.

And finally that time came. Over three weeks, almost a month later, Kendall was moved out of the intensive care burn unit. He was deemed in fair condition, the open wounds that his burns had been just weeks before had turned into scars that were still new and dark red. The doctors bandaged the worse areas before moving him into a room that wasn't unlike mine when I had first woke up. Once he was set up in the room the doctors were finally taking him off the anesthetic and putting him on a lesser pain killer instead. James, Carlos, Mrs. Knight, Katie and I were waiting outside Kendall's new room while the doctor set him up.

It seemed to take forever, at least I felt like it did. But in reality it was less than an hour before the doctor came out.

"Only two at a time." The doctor instructed sternly "We don't want to overwhelm him. He's awake, alert but confused. I decided to leave it up to you to tell him what has happened." he walked away and Mrs. Knight and Katie went in first.

I sat silently and when Katie and her mom came out, after telling Kendall about what happened after the crash, I let James and Carlos go in before I did. Part of me was desperate to see Kendall and talk to him again but the other part wanted to put off our imminent break up for as long as possible. To soon yet not soon enough James and Carlos left the room, they looked tired but also as if talking to Kendall again had lifted a terrible weight off of their shoulders. This was probably the longest we've all gone without talking to Kendall since we were five years old.

I did feel a bit bad for not being for them more these past few weeks. I had overheard the two more than once whispering about how I had 'checked out' and that they were worried for me almost as much as Kendall. That Kendall may have the worse physical wounds but I was just as severely emotionally scarred and maybe had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They wanted to try and get me to see someone about it. I was slightly surprised and impressed that they were so perceptive and could use such advanced psychological terminology. Maybe spending so much time in a hospital was rubbing off on them…

Finally though it was my turn to go in and visit Kendall, they let me go in alone and I took a deep breath, using my electric wheelchair to go in. I hated my wheelchair but considering I had two broken legs and a messed up arm it was my only option. I rolled into the room and parked myself beside Kendall's bed. He was wrapped up from his collar bone, down one leg and half way down an arm. His face luckily only had one burn, a thumb sized mark just below his right eye.

"Look, we match." Kendall rasped, his voice still very scratchy but he was smiling at me. He lightly bumped his casted arm with mine. In addition to the burns Kendall had suffered some broken bones as well, including some in his arm, hand and several broken ribs.

"Yeah, we do." I tried to smile but it came out more as a grimace. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a truck."

"That's not funny." I recoiled slightly.

"Logan, relax. We're fine, we'll heal and it will all be okay." Kendall soothed softly.

"It won't all be okay Kendall. You'll be scarred for life because of this accident. Your vocal chords might never heal. You could_ never sing again!_"

"I will sing again and scars are cool." He reached up with his good arm and ran his thumb along along the small scar on my chin. The scar I got when I was five, the one from the day I really became Kendall's friend. "Sexy too."

"Scars are not cool or sexy Kendall. Especially ones like these, we don't know if there was any nerve damage yet. You could be in pain for the rest of your life."

"You're thinking about the worst case scenarios again. Stop doing that. Im alive and so are you. That's what matters." he took my hand in his.

"No, that's not what matters!" I snatched my hand away "What matter is-is that you shouldn't have spun the car Kendall! You should have let it hit me, you should have protected yourself!"

"I did protect myself Logan." Even now when I was yelling at him he was staying calm. I'd bet anything that James and Carlos warned him about my 'emotional damage.' "I saw that car coming straight at you and I just turned, I didn't think about it for a second. I just knew that if you died I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I love you Logan."

"How can you say that? This is all my fault. If I-If I hadn't told you I love you then we wouldn't have been out on that date. We wouldn't have been hit at all. You can't love me, I caused all of this!"

"No you didn't!" he said more sternly. "None of this is your fault at all and stop saying it is. You're scaring everyone. My mom, Katie, James and Carlos. They've all talked about you when they came in to see me. They're scared that you'll do something to hurt yourself, don't you get that the only reason they've let you stay at the hospital, watching me for so long is because they know the nurses and doctors are close by. The guys have you on a suicide watch Logan! They know that I'll get better, it'll take more than a car accident to get rid of me but they're scared about you. I am too."

"Im fine Kendall…"

"No you're not, you haven't given me a real smile since you got in here. The others don't even know about your cutting, I do. You've already done self injuring before, I don't want you to start again or do anything more drastic."

"I won't kill myself Kendall."

"Promise me." he reached out again, taking my hand and this time I didn't pull away, letting him intertwine our fingers.

"I promise I won't kill myself."

"Good, now. Will you please stop blaming yourself and focus on healing. All this worrying can't be good for your body. In a few weeks we'll be back in 2J, hanging out, kissing and we'll go out again. This time to some place away from traffic." he joked softly.

"No"

"What? Logan, you can't still blame yourself, I told you. You didn't do anything wrong." Normally when Kendall said something was or wasn't true he was believed almost automatically. He could probably convince people a rabbit was a bird if he put his mind to it. So he wasn't used to someone ignoring what he said.

"I don't care. I _know_ this is my fault. No matter what you say I know. I won't kill myself or do any self destructive behaviors but I can't-we can't continue this. You say now that it's not my fault but after this all sinks in you'll see that it is and you'll start to resent me. If we end now maybe we can save some of our friendship."

"You're breaking up with me?" Kendall asked incredulously.

"Y-yeah, I guess I am." I whispered in a voice that was barely audible. I pulled my hand away from Kendall's again and pushed the controller on my electric wheelchair. I moved out of the room as quickly as the chair could take me, desperately trying to ignore Kendall calling for me to come back.

When I exited the room the guys could hear Kendall calling my name and they asked me what was wrong. I didn't answer them, I couldn't. Later I'd answer their questions, listen to them try and convince me I was wrong even though I knew I wasn't.

But right now I just needed to be alone

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**There it is, after being so afraid Kendall would dump Logan, Logan turned the tables and dumped Kendall instead. Surprise. A sad surprise but still a surprise. **

**Since I start college next Tuesday this story will probably end by Friday or Saturday at the latest. Im still not sure exactly where it will end or how many more chapters there will be because Im sort of just going with the flow still. But hopefully this will give you a bit of a hint that this story will start winding down soon.**

**So as always please review and help save the boys bodies and now relationship faster. :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**This story has obviously been a mostly Logan centric story and it still is but sometimes to really see a character you have to see it through someone else's eyes. In this case Kendall's which is why this next chapter will be in Kendall's point of view. And just to clear something up, during the car crash Logan got a lot of stitches in his arm, even though they're from the same accident they encompass two milestones in Logan and Kendall's relationship. Their first date and their breakup. Just in case anybody was confused.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

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**Kendall's POV**

Sometimes the pain was almost to much to bare and I wasn't talking about the burns.

I hoped that this was just a phase, that I could some how talk Logan out of this but no matter how hard I tried he wouldn't budge. Logan was always incredibly stubborn, I learned that when we first met. The first day of kindergarden when all of the other kids flocked towards me, Im still not sure why they did that, Logan stood apart from everyone else. He refused to be like everyone else and that was one of the reasons I so easily fell in love with him, part of me thinks I always have loved him too. Most people say that Im the one with all of the charisma and leadership qualities but from day one it was Logan that captured my attention.

And in addition to being stubborn, I also knew that he wasn't one who trusted easily. He was the cautious one, whether it be in pranks or relationships he was always very careful. It took me months to even get him to like me as a friend. I hadn't been completely blind those first few months of kindergarden but hey, I've always liked a challenge. But Logan's stubbornness, caution and all around genius was what made me so worried because ever since the accident it's been like he lost all of that.

I was moved back to 2J almost two weeks after being taken off anesthesia. And while I knew Logan was dead set on ending our relationship I never thought he'd go so far as to switching rooms with James. I mean, James was like my brother and I didn't mind sharing a room with him but it just wasn't the same. Other than the room change everyone tried hard to make things seem like they were normal. But the awkwardness in the air put a damper on everything we did. After a few days of trying to pretend everything was normal Logan stopped hanging around the apartment. I heard from Carlos that he was going the library everyday or hanging out with Camille, helping her with some auditions.

I know I sounded crazy, Logan and I had only been dating for a day after all but loosing him hurt more then when Jo left. Jo was great, she really was but she was nothing like Logan. When Im with him I feel like I belong there. When I was younger I thought it was just because he was my best friend, never really paying attention to how much my feelings for Logan differed from my feelings for James and Carlos. When Logan accidentally told me he loved me it was that 'oh duh' sort of moment and I knew that this was the relationship I've been waiting for my whole life. I don't know how else to explain it I just knew. Taking that step from friends to boyfriends was as natural to me as the first time I picked up a hockey stick or the first time I sang in the studio as a part of Big Time Rush. While we were on that date I knew from that moment on it wasn't just hockey, BTR and eyebrows that defined me anymore it was Logan also. Because he was a part of me, the most important part.

And I couldn't just let that go.

But I let him think I did.

I couldn't stand him avoiding the apartment anymore and so after another week I stopped pushing him to reconsider. I let him just be my friend again because I couldn't imagine loosing him all together. And it got a bit better after that, we started to hang out again, laugh and fool around with the other guys. There were moments when we were relaxing and watching TV or hanging out by the pool where I could close my eyes and almost pretend we were still together.

And that's how it stayed for a while. More weeks went by and we got our casts off, Logan had some nasty scars on his arm from the glass. Sometimes I'd see them out of the corner of my eye and it'd feel like a kick in the gut, reminding me of the first time I saw his cutting scars. The guilt for not noticing how much he had been hurting still got at me sometimes. Guilt was a powerful, terrible thing and I knew that, that's why I wasn't angry at Logan for breaking up with me. I was sad and disappointed but not angry, I knew that in his own mind he only thought he was doing what was best for me.

I myself had some nasty scars on my chest and abdomen, along with a few on my shoulder and a smaller oval shaped scar under my eye. Everyone was shocked that there hadn't been worse damage to my internal organs. But I was still having trouble singing, I could do some notes but if I had been going for over a half hour or when it came to some of the higher notes my voice would crack or begin to sound like I swallowed gravel. It was hard on everyone, especially Logan. Gustavo had been surprisingly patient with me, he still yelled and was an all around jerk but he worked with me too. Sometimes after the other guys left I'd stay after and just the two of us and Kelly, would work on things. Yeah, he was definitely a jerk but it was more like an annoying pet that tended to bite, scratch and pee where it wasn't supposed to but if there was an intruder in the house they'd rip the man's face off to protect you. And also because of Gustavo the man that hit Logan and I was given the maximum sentence with many years of jail time. Gustavo of corse said it was to protect his million dollar band but we all knew the truth, deep, deep, _deep_ down he really cared about us. We were a family, a weird, screwed up and disturbed family but a family none the less.

But even with the support of my wacky family things were rough. Part of me felt like I was letting the band down even though I knew nobody, not even future pop star James, blamed me for it. And this stupid jealousy wasn't helping either.

Logan was spending almost all of his free time with Camille lately. I knew it was ludicrous to be jealous because not only was Logan completely gay but he had also said on several occasions that he loved Camille just like loved Katie, as a devilish but still lovable sister. But I just couldn't help it, Logan and I may not be together anymore but I still loved him like nothing else in the world. And I liked Camille too, I knew that with her bubbly personality, she more than anyone would be able to help Logan cope with what happened. I just didn't like that she was the one he went to now with his problems instead of me. I missed being the one he went to, now whenever he was upset about something or had a nightmare about our crash he'd go to her. I was thankful she was so willing to be there for Logan but still! He was supposed to come to me, not her!

We were all friends again, I was working towards getting my voice strong again, we were healing from the car wreck, things should be fine. And on the outside things were looking pretty positive but on the inside things were crumbling down for all of us. Our whole lives were a lie now.

James was supportive but I could tell he was worried sick about the band. He'd stay up for hours working on dance moved and practicing his vocals until he was completely physically drained. When he wasn't doing that he'd be going out with whoever he could find. James was always a serial dater but lately it had gotten seriously out of control. It was as if he'd go out with anyone if it meant he could leave 2J for a while and forget about their slowly dying dream.

Carlos wasn't much better, his energetic personality had dimmed so much he didn't even seem like the same person. The fact two of his best friends had been so close to death really struck home with him. His father was a police officer after all so the idea that death could be only seconds away wasn't an easy thing for him to cope with.

And Logan…I could tell he was hardly sleeping. I sometimes got nightmares about the night of the crash but according to Carlos Logan hardly ever slept and when he did it was very restlessly. Not even Camille could help with that and by now he seemed barely alive. He'd look at me with such guilt I wanted to walk over and smack it right out of him. He looked so conflicted and haunted but still had a sad desire in his eyes. He missed what we had, what we could have been, I knew he still loved me and that hurt most of all. He wasn't punishing himself by cutting his skin, he was punishing himself by cutting me out of his heart.

And eventually I couldn't take it any longer.

It had been a particularly hard day at the studio, I hardly hit any notes and Logan's knee had been acting up, making it hard to dance. We were all eating dinner at the table, my mom tried to make conversation but it was all useless small talk. Towards the end of it I noticed Logan nodding off, his head would fall forward and just as his chin hit his chest he'd wake up again with a start.

"You should go to bed. You seem a bit tired." I said lightly even though that was the biggest understatement in the world.

"No, Im fine."

I don't know what it was but those three words just made something snap inside of me. I couldn't handle it anymore, I couldn't handle the lies and fakeness of what our lives had become.

Everything was a blur, I wasn't even thinking as I stood up so quickly my chair fell backwards. I felt like my footsteps weren't my own when I walked around the table and swung my fist, smashing it into Logan's jaw before I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, yanking him up and pinning him against the wall. I could barely heard James and Carlos asking me what the hell I was doing, my mother telling me to stop, Katie saying to wait until she got her camera. All I could see was Logan, who was staring up at me in shock. At least I woke him up.

"Don't you dare tell me everything is fine!" I yelled furiously, my voice sounding far away to my own ears. "When was the last time you've slept? When was the last time you've eaten a decent meal! You hardly touch your food when you eat with us and I knew you toss and turn every single night. Things are not fine so stop acting like they are you coward! You're guilty I know, we all know! We all fucking know how sorry you are! Get over it and grow up! We're all hurting and we all can't handle it anymore! Everyone is falling apart and it's all your damn fault!"

"Kendall!" James was finally able to pull me off of Logan, Carlos going to Logan and asking him if he was okay, trying to get a look at his busted and bleeding lip but Logan just stared at me with wide eyes.

I didn't take my eyes away from his for a second, I ignored James, ignored Carlos, ignored everyone else in the room. In that moment it was just Logan and I. In my mind we were the only two that existed.

"The car accident was a fluke, a once in a life time moment. Don't let it run your life for you. I know you think you're doing the right thing but you're not." I wasn't yelling anymore, I was pleading, begging for him to understand. If it was anyone else I wouldn't even think of doing this but I couldn't even pretend I've given up anymore. "You're killing all of us, you're killing _me,_ more than the car crash even got close to. Come with me Logan, please, we can get some help, we can work through this. _Together. _Im not letting you go, I shouldn't have let you go that day in the hospital and I shouldn't have waited this long to make you come back. I love you. And Im not letting you say no, I know you miss me just as much as I miss you. And this crater between us is destroying everything we love, our friendships, our friends themselves, the band, everything. We can't run anymore. I won't let you."

All of the walls and facades I'd put up trying to make it seem like everything was okay came crumbling down for me and everyone else too. James and Carlos were silent now, no longer trying to stop anything. Nobody moved when I crossed the small space between Logan and I.

"We can get through this together, just give us another chance." I whispered softly, cupping his face in my hand and kissing him softly. I could taste that sharp metallic flavor of blood from his split lip but as soon as Logan kissed me back it didn't matter. It was more hesitant and shy than our first kiss but more passionate than the many we had shared at the picnic. It was a kiss that made promises for more in the future.

We could talk things through later, maybe while we sat in the waiting room, waiting for Logan to get his lip stitched up. There would be a lot of apologies, tears, explanations but for now I didn't care. For the first time since the accident I finally felt like we were honestly beginning to recover.

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**There you have it, things are finally beginning to look up.**

**Im not sure how you feel about the Kendall POV, I've written with him before in some of my Kames stories but never had it been this angsty and I do feel like it was a little bit OOC. But all and I hope that you like it and sort of feel for the emotional turm oil they all went through. **

**Please Review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter is very...fluffy and cheesy and corny. But hey, I figured after the hell I put them through they deserved a little bit of happiness. This is mostly a filler chapter so there aren't any actual stitches happening but hey, I missed them being happy and figured I could give them a little break before I screw with their lives some more.**

**And FYI we are back to it being Logan's point of view again.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of their awesome songs.**

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Things started to get better, for real this time.

Kendall started to drag me to a psychologist that specialized in traumas, at first I didn't want to go but after a couple of sessions it really did begin to help. Most of the time Kendall and I would go in together but occasionally we had separate appointments too. We even brought James and Carlos in for a few sessions because the car crash had affected them as well.

After a couple more months things really were almost back to normal. Except now somethings were better than normal. Kendall was the most amazing boyfriend I could have dreamed of. He still had his moments of being an annoying, glory hogging, prick but he was Kendall and therefore he was amazing just the way he was. We had another first date and it went better than I could have hoped. Neither of us almost died this time so that automatically made it better than the first. And several more dates had followed that, each one better than the last.

Sadly Mama Knight made us stay in separate rooms but we easily worked around that, taking advantage of every private moment we had. We still haven't gone _all the way _but for now the heavy make out sessions were enough.

The only thing that wasn't quite back to normal was Big Time Rush. Kendall still struggled with his voice and after all of this time Griffin insisted on taking us off of hiatus. For now it was just James, Carlos and I which was hard on everyone. We had to choreograph completely new dance moves and change around a lot of vocals but we made it work. And everyday after our practice was over Kendall would come in and work with Gustavo. He'd smile, give us all high fives as we passed each other and then he'd stop and give me a kiss. 'A kiss for luck' he'd always whisper in my ear. It became our thing, before each rehearsal, psychologist visit, test for school we'd always give each other a kiss for luck.

After all of the news stories came out after the crash we didn't even bother trying to hide our renewed relationship. Sometimes we'd come across a scathing article about how we were 'influencing children to become gay' or how 'Our music was inappropriate and filled with homosexual innuendos,' which quite obviously they weren't. But over all most of the articles depicting Kendall and I were surprisingly positive. After a bit, most of the publicity died down as the newest teen scandals erupted but we almost always had to deal with some paparazzi following us around when we went on dates. It was incredibly annoying but Kendall and I learned to ignore them, we didn't have anything to hide after all.

It had been a particularly long day at school, it wasn't always easy being the class genius. Sometimes the days would go by so slowly when we were learning about subjects I could probably teach better than Ms. Collins. But in a way it was nice that my biggest daily nuisance was a slow day at school. That afternoon I was able to get through my homework and help the guys with theirs, all before we had to be at the studio with Gustavo.

Just like every other day Kendall gave me a kiss for luck, he didn't have to be at the studio for another two hours so he was staying behind with his mom and Katie. The rehearsal was like it was every other friday, long, tiresome and boring. I loved being a part of Big Time Rush but it just wasn't the same without Kendall.

Once we left I was confused, just like everyday I expected to pass Kendall in the hallway as he went up and we went down. James and Carlos didn't seem worried so I pretended not to be too. For a split second while we stood in the elevator I felt panic take a hold of my chest. Maybe he was in another car accident on the way here! But then I used a technique my psychologist taught me, I took control of my breathing and then I just started talking to James and Carlos. Not about anything particular, just something to get my mind off my negative thoughts. It was something so simple but it really did help the anxiety.

We took the bus back to the Palm Woods since we hadn't gotten a new car since the accident. Another reason Kendall couldn't have gotten into another accident, duh. It amazed me how I had let my fear take over my rational mind and I promised myself to never let it happen again. But that didn't mean I didn't get a little…nervous when we got back to 2J and I saw Kendall lounging on the couch in plaid pajama bottoms and grey v-neck tee.

"Hey, why aren't you at your practice with Gustavo. Are you okay? Are you sick? Are you running a temperature?" I put my wrist against his forehead but he batted my hand away laughing.

"Im fine Logan, really." Kendall grinned, "I had the night off."

"Why? Gustavo didn't give us the night off!" I said affronted at the injustice of it all.

"Well, sit down and I'll show you why."

"Show me what? You know I don't like it when your'e cryptic, it scares me."

"Just sit down!" he smiled and I did. I'd do anything for him if he kept on flashing that smile at me.

Kendall grabbed the guitar off of the coffee table, I hadn't even noticed the guitar before but he started strumming.

"I don't know why you always get so insecure , I wish you could see what I see when you're looking in the mirror. And why won't you believe me when I say that to me you get more beautiful, everyday. When you're looking at the magazines and thinking that you'll never measure up, you're wrong. Cause you're my cover, cover girl. I think you're a superstar, yeah you are. Why don't you know, yeah, you're so pretty that it hurts. It's what's underneath your skin, the beauty that shines within. You're the only one that rocks my world, my cover girl. Oh, oh, oh, oh, my cover girl, Oh, oh, oh, oh." Kendall's eyes never left mine as he sang, I had heard him playing this tune on his guitar for weeks now and it occurred to me that this must be an original song. "You walk in rain boots on a perfect summer day. Somehow you always see the dark side, when everything's okay. And you wear baggy clothes that camouflage your shape, whoa, but you know that I love you, just the way you're made. When you're looking at the magazines and thinking that you're just not good enough, you're so wrong, baby. Cause you're my cover, cover girl. I think you're a superstar, yeah you are. Why don't you know, yeah, you're so pretty that it hurts. It's what's underneath your skin, the beauty that shines within. You're the only one that rocks my world, my cover girl. Got a heart of gold, a perfect original. Wish you would stop being so hard on yourself for awhile. And when I see that face I'd try a thousand ways, I would do anything to make you you're my cover, cover girl. I think you're a superstar, yeah you are. Why don't you know, yeah, you're so pretty that it hurts. It's what's underneath your skin, the beauty that shines within. You're the only one that rocks my world, my cover girl. Oh woah oh oh, my cover girl. Oh woah oh oh, my cover girl. Whoa oh, my cover girl. Whoa oh, my cover girl." He finished the last note beautifully, flawlessly. His voice didn't crack once. He barely had time to set his guitar down before I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him passionately.

"That was amazing Kendall! I can't believe you wrote that. You were fantastic." I said between kisses.

He laughed and kissed me some more, after a few minutes we finally separated. "I've been working on that song for a while. I actually wrote the melody years ago while we were in Minnesota, I used to play it for Katie to get her to go to sleep when she was younger. But it wasn't until I started dating you that a lot of the words came to me. I figured singing you this song was a way to tell you just how much I love you. And to make the announcement that as of tomorrow Im officially returning to Big Time Rush, full time." he grinned proudly. "The private sessions with Gustavo have really helped and he also helped me finish the song too."

"Its beautiful Kendall. Except for one thing."

"What?" He asked confused.

I grabbed a pillow and smacked him over the head with it "I am not a woman! Or a girl!" I yelled but it was more playful than angry. Kendall laughed and with one hand snatched the pillow away, using the other arm to wrap around my waist and pull me flush against his chest. He smiled, kissing right underneath my ear then trailing slowly down my jaw.

"I know you aren't a girl but Gustavo helped me finish it, remember. He finally got to add 'Girl' into one of his song titles. He was thrilled." Kendall smirked.

"It really is a fantastic song."

"Thanks, I've also been working with him on some other songs for our second album. Since I wasn't much good at the singing lately I thought I could help in other ways. Writing Oh Yeah with you guys made an impression on me and Im really starting to like the song writing aspect of music too. But I am _really_ glad I can get back to singing with you guys."

"Me too." I smiled, laying my head on Kendall's chest softly.

Things were great, the trauma of the car crash was still present but slowly fading away, Big Time Rush was finally getting back on track and most of all I had Kendall. I never thought that my little crush on him could turn into something like this. Maybe everybody felt this way about their serious relationships, I didn't know for sure but what I did know was that I loved Kendall and could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. He was my Cover GIrl too.

Damn, we all really need to stop acting like women around here. Tomorrow Im going to organize a game of hockey…manly hockey.

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**Well there's the fluff chapter, I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted *Evil Chuckle***

**I could just end it here but I feel like doing a bit more, maybe at least getting past the World Tour and into them really becoming famous. **

**Well, as always please REVIEEEEEEEEEEWWW!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I don't know why but this chapter was really hard for me to write. I just had an annoying block all day when it came to this, I knew what I wanted to happen but the words to make it understandable just wouldn't come out. I think I rewrote it like three times during the course of the day. So I hope you like the final edition but I warn you, in my time zone it's 2 am so Im sorry if I missed a couple of grammar mistakes...**

**But hey, it's the longest chapter yet!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush**

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For three more months I lived in paradise.

Having the four of us back together as Big Time Rush was amazing. I never really appreciated the band until it lost its signature members. Now though, we were back and better than ever. Our world tour sky rocketed us into parts of the world we never imagined we'd ever visit. Europe was phenomenal, I dragged Kendall along to all of the museums, the Louvre, the Orsay and the Pompidou. If I didn't know he loved me before I sure knew he loved me now. I could tell he was bored but he didn't complain once…but he did fall asleep, leaning against the wall beside Venus De Milo…that was definitely the cutest picture I ever got of him, ever. It's my new screensaver.

Things were great, except we did have to tone down on our make out time. There was almost no privacy when living on airplanes and tour buses. Kendall, several times, tried to convince me to sneak into the airplane bathroom for some alone time. I, of corse being the genius, lectured him for the rest of the plane ride about how that was most likely illegal and might get us arrested on possible suspicion of terrorism charges or at least get us put on a no fly list. Maybe I had been exaggerating but that didn't stop him from asking every time we got on a flight to a new country. Personally I think he enjoyed the lectures, it kept my attention on him.

I learned very quickly that Kendall was a jealous fool. I had seen that jealous streak a few times when he was with Jo but experiencing it first hand was something else entirely. He wouldn't get upset if I was simply talking to good looking guy but if someone started to flirt then he'd come over, put his arms around me and silently assert his dominance. And being an openly gay pop-star it wasn't uncommon that a complete stranger would come up and begin to flirt with me. But normally things never got out of hand because of Kendall's jealousy. Only twice did it get worse than metaphorical chest pounding and literal pouting. And both those times the men deserved to be punched. Yeah…we won't be allowed back in Sion Switzerland for a while…

And all in all I thought the jealous streak was pretty cute. I'd never tell him this to his face of corse but every time Kendall would put his arms around me and stare another guy down, adrenaline would shoot through me. It was a reminder that I was his and he was mine and he loved me enough to let everyone know. All doubts he may have once had about being completely out in the open had been quenched.

I personally never got to jealous. Men and woman would constantly flirt with Kendall and he'd even flirt back sometimes. But on his face I could see the difference between playful flirting, polite flirting and seriously interested flirting. The first two were the ones I saw when others approached him, the third was only ever directed towards me. Nothing was a better feeling than that.

But still, going back to the Palm Woods was a relief. We missed our friends and were looking forward to going back to 2J. What we didn't expect was the fame. While we were gone our album apparently hit it big and now instead of the popular but still slightly obscure band we were now quickly becoming a nation wide phenomenon. It wasn't just the local and Teen Pop Magazines that did articles on us anymore. We were in magazines like People, Star, US and so many others. Even though we appealed to the preteen and teen crowd the most, some of our songs were becoming popular at clubs and with a more adult crowd.

At times it could be overwhelming, we were used to some paparazzi here and there but nothing like this. We quickly realized that shoving through a sea of flashing cameras and reporters shouting our names while our manager covered our faces wasn't just a scene from a movie. It was our real lives now. And with our new popularity came a bigger focus and my and Kendall's relationship. The media would nit pick everything while inventing crazy love triangles and love squares between myself, Kendall, James and Carlos which was ludicrous really because James was as straight as an arrow and Carlos was too.

Well at least as far as I know…James wouldn't surprise me honestly, especially with that obsession about his hair…

Anyways, it was quickly discovered that outside of our hollywood circle, our relationship wasn't as gladly accepted as we hoped. We had faced a few scathing articles before but now they were coming almost equally in numbers with the good. Some talked about how homosexuality was a sin, others just said how Kendall wasn't good enough for me or I wasn't good enough for him. In the beginning Kendall would shove those down the disposal before I could see them but after he almost broke the stupid machine he had to start throwing them in the garbage can. Both of which were pointless because I could just as easily find the articles on the internet if I wanted to. At first the articles hurt a bit but then I saw Kendall cuss out a young reporter until she was in tears for making a homophobic slur at me. They stopped bothering me after that because I saw what kind of garbage they really are. I did feel sort of bad for the reporter though but I guess she learned her lesson…but we won't be let back into the Orrville Alabama city fair for a while either…After all this publicity, scathing articles and random paparazzi ambushes, I thought nothing could surprise me anymore.

But the day Jo Taylor sauntered back into the Palm Woods, wrapped her arms around Kendall's neck and kissed him passionately right in the middle of the lobby, while he was standing _right beside me_ definitely proved me wrong.

Apparently she hadn't been shooting in Auckland or Wellington or any of the other cities in New Zealand. She was in a very small country town that had less than a 200 person year round population, no internet, no english magazines and very little telephone service. And the few times that she actually had found service and called Kendall he hadn't bothered to mention our relationship.

Maybe I wasn't so impervious to being jealous after all.

I cleared my throat and Kendall pulled back quickly, giving me a helplessly innocent look.

"Oh, hey Logan, how are you?" Jo asked with a big smile on her face.

"I don't know. How am I today Kendall?" I looked to my boyfriend with a smile of my own which seemed to make him very, _very,_ nervous.

"You're in a very kind, forgiving and patient mood?" He asked hopefully.

"What's going on?" Jo asked, lacing her arm around Kendall's.

"Just let me explain, a lot has changed since you left." Kendall said kindly to Jo "Why don't you grab three seats by the pool and Logan and I will grab us some smoothies."

"Um, okay." Jo said a bit confused, clearly wondering why I was joining them. But she let go of Kendall and walked out to the pool while Kendall quickly started to walk towards the smoothie stand. I caught up to him with two steps.

"You have enough testosterone to punch out two swiss men who hit on me but lack the balls to tell your ex about us!?" I exclaimed once I sure Jo was out of earshot.

"Logan…"

"Wait, she _is_ your ex right? You broke up with her before she left didn't you, because if you just were planning on us being a little fling while she's out of the country I will use all my chemical knowledge to create a stink bomb that will stick to you_ forever_."

Kendall swallowed but shook his head quickly. "No, I broke up with her before she left and I thought I was clear enough about it but I guess she wants to get back together now that she has a break from filming!"

"But she has no idea about us at all? I know you've talked to her a few times and I was okay with it but I thought she at least knew about us!"

"She hardly got any reception over there, our talks were more like those 'can you hear me now' commercials than anything. And I couldn't just tell her over the phone about us."

"Why not?" I crossed my arms.

"Because Logan, how am I supposed to tell her that her ex-boyfriend is now dating his best friend. His _male_ best friend. That's not a conversation you can have over the phone."

"Sure you can! She's not your girlfriend anymore, you don't have to explain anything to her! You should have just told her this is how it is now. If only so she wouldn't pull a stunt like that!" I pointed to his lips that had a slight shine from Jo's cherry lip gloss. He quickly wiped it off with his sleeve.

"Come on Logan, I can't believe you're reacting this way. Im trying to be compassionate, Jo's still my friend, why can't you understand that I want to let her down easily!"

"Because you knew we were starting something before she even left! Why didn't you let her down easy then!?"

"She was having a hard enough time with me breaking up with her. It wouldn't be fair to just spring the 'hey, I like boys thing' onto her too!"

"Well she's going to find out soon! Im surprised she didn't see us on some kind of magazine cover in the airport!"

"Will you stop yelling at me! This isn't like you Logan, why the hell are you so jealous!?"

"Because when Jo was here you were head over heels for her! You were so into her that I barely existed in your mind then. I started to cut because you were dating her, I hated myself because I knew I could never compare to that fluffy ball of cotton candy wonder. You said before she left that you and Jo were falling apart but apparently not enough apart for you to admit to her you and I were a together or for her not to kiss you first thing when she gets back. So Im sorry Im not thrilled that she's here and obviously wants you back. I never cared about you flirting with anyone else because I knew you loved me but with Jo I don't know if you love me enough to say no to her."

"Of corse I do Logan, how can you doubt that?"

"Because Kendall, _you didn't tell her!_ How is that supposed to make me feel?"

"You're supposed to understand why I did it and support me! Help me explain to her about us!"

"You didn't pull back."

"What?" Kendall asked, confused at the sudden turn of the conversation.

"When she kissed you. You. Didn't. Pull. Back." My voice admitted for me that that was what was really bothering me. By now the people in the smoothie line were all starting at us. I knew that by tonight this argument would be all over the high end gossip stations.

Kendall sighed, cupping my face in his hands and kissing me tenderly, I tried not to flinch away from the fact that Jo had been kissing those lips just minutes before."I didn't pull back because I was surprised and you went all jealous boyfriend on me before I had a chance."

"I-I want to believe you but I just don't…"

"Why not?"

"You were making face number three."

"Im so lost right now Logan."

"When you flirt or are interested in someone. You have a joking face, a just being polite face and serious face. You were serious. You still have feelings for her. M-Maybe you don't see them but you do and I don't want to be hurt by her and you again."

"I don't have feelings for Jo anymore."

"I know what I saw."

"And I know what I feel!"

"You didn't know you were interested in me until I kissed you."

"That's different."

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. And if it isn't any different then I don't want to have to watch as you fall in love with her all over again…" I whispered and quickly left, heading back to the elevators.

I knew I was being ridiculous, insensitive and an all around whiny bitch but I couldn't help it. I was doing what I promised myself I would never let happen again, I was letting fear and insecurity take over. Besides the car accident, Jo was the lowest point in my life. And I just couldn't bring myself to relive it.

And it seemed I didn't have a choice because as I crossed the lobby I suddenly felt something collide with my cheek. A resounding slap echoed through the room and everything went silent, I looked up in shock to see Jo staring me down with tears streaming down her face. Shit, I, and apparently Kendall, forgot that they put out the latest magazines in the cabanas and I knew that Kendall and I were on the covers of at least People and Star this month.

"I can't believe you! Y-You stole my boyfriend and turned him into a-a fag! You just pretended to be Kendall's friend so you could get close to him and brainwash him! He was a perfectly normal, sweet, amazing guy and you turned him gay! You shared his room too! You were probably perving on him the entire time we were dating! You're sick and disgusting! Just watch, now that Im back I'll save him from you. I won't let you get away with ruining Kendall like this!" She screamed and was about to slap me again when suddenly a hand caught her wrist.

It was Kendall, he stood there looking more furious then I had ever seen him before in my whole life. Lucy wasn't to far behind him, she must have seen Jo's first slap and went to go get Kendall, I reminded myself to thank her later.

"If you weren't a girl I'd beat you up right now for saying that stuff about my boyfriend." Kendall growled. "I can't believe you're such a bigot Jo. I got into a fight with the person who means the world to me just so I could try and spare your feelings. You're not worth it though. Im dating Logan, I love Logan. Fucking deal with it." he said, throwing her wrist down.

"You don't know what you're saying Kendall. We dated remember, we kissed, we made out. You're not gay. You're straight remember?" She spoke to him slowly, like she was talking to a child. "You're just confused."

"No Im not. Haven't you heard of being bisexual? And even if I was totally gay there's nothing wrong with that. Im proud that Logan's my boyfriend and you're not going to convince me that there's something wrong with my relationship."

"He brainwashed you Kendall! Im not going to let him do this! You'll see! I won't give up on you!" Jo exclaimed, storming past Kendall's and back towards the elevators but she stopped in front of me. I instinctually moved closer to Kendall, I learned from James a long time ago that crazy ex-girlfriends could be more dangerous than a pissed of rhino. "You won't get away with this, Im going to fix Kendall and make sure you don't prey on any more innocent guys." she said and shoved me before walking off.

I stumbled backwards and me being the clumsiest person on earth tripped over the corner of a coffee table and fell over. My leg scraped over the corner of the table and since I was wearing only a shirt over some swim trunks it cut a large gash in my skin. Yay, more stitches. I should really try to curb my clumsiness and bad luck, I was starting to look a bit like frankenstein.

Kendall grabbed some tissues and pressed it to my bleeding calf softly.

"Im sorry." he sighed and I kissed his cheek.

"I know. Im sorry too. I was being ridiculous."

"_You_ were being ridiculous?" Lucy scoffed and I suddenly remembered Kendall and I weren't the only ones around. The whole lobby was still watching us. "That girl was nuts! I can't believe you dated her Kendall, you just lost all my respect." she shook her head at Kendall.

"I never _knew_ she was this crazy."

"There are no excuses in the universe that can make up for dating _that._ Now common. I'll drive you guys to the hospital." she said and helped Kendall stand me up before taking us to her car.

At least some women weren't completely insane.

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**The way Jo reacted to finding out about Logan and Kendall's relationship, I actually saw that happen at my school last year. The girl just flipped out when she found out her ex was bi and dating another guy. Right in the middle of the hallway she started to scream and cry and act like the new guy brainwashed her ex. For a good five minutes she went on about it and how they were 'going to hell and she could save him.' It was actually kind of scary in a pathetic sort of way...even the teacher who broke it up had this confused and awkward look on her face. So thank you to her for giving me this idea! Her crazy rant was not a complete waste!**

**But even if that little snippet is based on a true event Im sorry to everyone who likes Jo out there. I personally don't mind her that much even though I don't necessarily like her with Kendall but for this story I really wanted to include a bit of that openly gay couple angst and she seemed the best way to do it. So, sorry to the Jo lovers but she had to take a dive for the story's plot. The next chapter will have more about Jo trying to 'fix' Kendall. **

**That's one of my biggest pet peeves, when people try to fix a gay, bisexual, transgender, ect person as if their some kind of broken toy. Ugh. **

**Sorry for my mini rant/statement, it's almost 3 o'clock by now and Im not all here...It took me almost an hour to get from the top author's note, read through the chapter, do last minute revisions and add this authors note. I very stubbornly wanted to get this out tonight. Yes, 3 am in my mind still constitutes as last night...**

**So I will now go to bed and hopefully wake up to many reviews *hint hint***


	11. Chapter 11

**Well, considering how fast I normally update this story waiting over 24 hours to post a new chapter seemed like a long time to me. So sorry, rummage sales are a lot harder work then they seem. Especially considering I only made 3 dollars. Im never going to my aunts 'suburban paradise' home for a rummage again. I get more reviews in one chapter than we did all day for customers. **

**Aaaaaanyways, just a bit of forewarning this chapter does have sexual themes, nothing graphic though. Sorry for those that wanted that but I decided to just keep this story T instead of upping it's rating. Hope you enjoy it anyways.**

**Disclaimer: I, the amazing awesome future ruler of the universe, do not own Big Time Rush...yet...**

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Sure enough the story of our fight was all over the tabloids the next day. Nobody got the story exactly right though, some painted Kendall as the cruel and heartless cheater, others painted me as the wildly jealous boyfriend and even more took Jo's stance that I had somehow tainted Kendall.

"It's not funny you guys!" I exclaimed, pacing 2J nervously.

"It's actually pretty hilarious." James said.

All three of the guys sat on the couch, Kendall was in the middle, holding an opened magazine and James and Carlos were on either side, reading over Kendall's shoulders.

"Listen this part of Jo's interview" Kendall laughed then mimicked Jo's voice "I just don't know what happened. When I left he was sweet, charming, kind and straight. After only a few months of being alone with Logan he suddenly decides he's gay. It just doesn't seem right to me. How can someone change their whole set of morals that quickly?" Kendall laughed hysterically. "I honestly never knew she was that stupid, has she never heard of being in love?"

I watched the guys laugh and joke about the articles with a soft sight. I wondered if they'd ever grow up and see how serious this is. Whenever somebody googled Big Time Rush they'd see these stories, whether it be adults or twelve year olds looking and soon enough parents would stop wanting their children to read about us or listen to our music. I didn't feel right jeopardizing the band just for my and Kendall's relationship. I wasn't thinking of breaking up with him again, oh no, I learned my lesson with that. But it'd be nice if they actually took something seriously for once.

"Logan? Hello?"

I jolted and looked up, all three of the guys were staring at me. "Sorry, I was thinking."

"Yeah, we could tell." Kendall smirked.

"What did you want?"

"We wanted to know if you wanted to go out with us tonight." James said, looking over my shoulder at the wall mounted mirror and fixing his hair. "I've got a date with Arianna-"

"-you have a date with Gabriella. Arianna is tomorrow." Carlos rolled his eyes.

"Oh yeah, so I have a date with Gabriella, Carlos has a date with Erika and we figured you and Kendall could come along and we could _triple date_!"

"I don't know…don't you guys think that might be pushing our luck? The media has really been hounding us lately…"

"Come on, we can't stop living our lives just because Jo's on a jealous war path and some dumb tabloids write a mean article. I really want to go out with you." Kendall said, giving me _those_ eyes. Katie learned the puppy dog eyes trick from him and personally I thought the elder night was much more persuasive.

"Fine" I sighed "Where are we going?"

"Some place called Jupanga. It has food from all over the world!" Carlos exclaimed excitedly.

"But it's also fancier so it's nice clothes for all of us." Kendall said sternly and we all looked at Carlos.

"What?" he asked slowly

We all just stared him down.

"Fine, okay! I have a stupid jacket somewhere in my closet!" he said and proceeded to pout on the couch for the next twenty minutes.

The next few hours were filled with pre-date rituals, something that wasn't easy to accomplish with all four of us trying to get ready at the same time. We eventually got it all sorted out though and around quarter to eight each of us were putting the finishing touches on our looks. I turned around after getting on my black jacket but then jumped back surprised.

"Don't do that to me! You scared me half to death!" I exclaimed. Kendall had been sitting on my bed, watching me and I hadn't even noticed he was there but at my outburst he couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry, but I thought you might stop being so cute if you knew I was here."

"Im not a woman Kendall! Therefore Im not cute!" I reminded again. Really, so what if Im gay and am a bit more…sensitive than the others. That doesn't make me a freaking woman!

"Oh, I know you're not a woman." Kendall stood, walking over and cupping my cheeks, kissing me passionately. I immediately responded by kissing back and wrapping my arms around his neck. I didn't care that we were probably wrinkling our clothes. Whenever he kissed me everything else stopped mattering. Not to mention that Kendall had looked amazing in his expensive dark burgundy sports coat. That color really did look fantastic on him. Somewhere in the back of my mind I felt one of Kendall's hands trail down my neck, rubbing one of my shoulders then continuing down my back.

And then I felt him squeeze my butt. Not a playful tap on the rear end but a full on grope.

I jumped surprised and Kendall looked at me startled.

"Uh-sorry if that was-I don't know what I was thinking…" Kendall stammered awkwardly, one of the rare moments where his confidence faltered.

We had never gone farther than heavy kissing, never even talked about going farther. I'd thought about it sure but I never brought it up because I never knew what he thought about it. I had been openly gay for years now, I had time to…read up on certain things. Kendall had only been with me for a couple months and I doubted he was the type to go out of his way to research that type of thing.

Kendall's eyes met mine, his were unsure and slightly worried, I had no idea what my eyes held. He could probably see the gears turning in my head. But suddenly I wondered when we had become so serious. I knew from the beginning that there was something special about my relationship with Kendall but I had never really considered what that meant. And that coming from me, the guy who has to know the meaning, the question and the answer to everything, was very odd. But I guess all in all I was just afraid that if I started to root around that question that I may not like the answer. Love was one thing, I loved a lot of people, I loved my friends, I loved Katie, I loved Mama Knight, I loved my family. Hell I even loved Kelly and Gustavo! But there was something different about the way I loved Kendall, something I should have probably noticed a long time ago. I should have seen it by how easily we fit together as boyfriends or how at home I felt while I relaxed in his arms after a long day at the studio. He completed me, totally and irrevocably so. There was just something ethereal about how I felt about Kendall. A love that was so strong it scared me to even think about how much of my heart he held.

It was permanent. And I had no choice in the matter, I knew my heart would never accept anyone else after this.

So why not bring our relationship to the next step? Just the idea of being intimate with Kendall made my stomach burn in a way that I thought would have disappeared for good by now. I was way to old to have fire breathing butterflies after all, right?

"Heeeey! You guys ready'?"Carlos asked sauntering into the room, fixing his navy blue coat. He looked up at us and paused. "Am I uh, interrupting something?" he asked and if Carlos could see it, our discomfort levels must have been through the roof.

"Nah, we're ready." Kendall put on a big smile that I was think was more to convince himself than Carlos. I felt sort of bad, he probably took my inner monologue as some sort of rejection. I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and set him straight right there on the bed. But before I could even consider doing just that, James and Carlos were hurrying us out of the apartment so they could go meet their dates.

The good news about being famous was that we could sometimes, for special occasions like triple dates, get Gustavo to throw us a bone and let us use a limo. The bad news was that the awkwardness between Kendall and I was putting a damper on James and Carlos' dates. Carlos' date Erika was at least trying to keep a conversation with Carlos but would occasionally pause and glance over at Kendall and I worriedly, as if she was afraid one of us would explode at the other. Gabriella on the other hand just gawked openly while James, the only one of us in an actual tux, pouted.

Kendall was looking out the window, trying as hard as possible to pretend this wasn't all happening. I knew the look on his face all to well, he had never been good at handling rejection. It all stemmed from his dad leaving when he and Katie were both still young. But that was a whole different story all together.

I hated that I couldn't tell Kendall the truth but I couldn't very well just bring up our nonexistent but hopefully soon to be existent sex life in front of James, Carlos and their dates. We were already having enough media hoopla with Jo's freak out, we didn't need someone else going to the media with a whole new juicy story. And Gabriella looked like the type to do just that for her fifteen minutes of fame. Though the frostiness of my and Kendall's behavior would probably already give her at least ten minutes…

We eventually got to the restaurant and everybody was grateful to get out of that limo.

"You guys go inside, I want to talk to Kendall for a second." I said and James and Carlos rushed their dates inside, whether it was to give us privacy or to get rid of us I wasn't quite sure. I grabbed Kendall's sleeve and pulled him into a nearby alleyway before any of the loitering reporters saw us. "We need to talk."

"I know and Im sorry, I didn't mean to do that, it was just a spur of the moment urge, I never meant to try and rush you, you know I have the greatest respect for you and I'll go at any pace you're comfortable with, I'll never do it again, I promise, cross my heart." Kendall said in such a rush that it all strung together into a single, long sentence.

I smiled softly, "To bad…I was sort of hoping you would do it again."

"What?" Kendall's jaw fell open dumbly.

"I'm not upset. It was just so sudden and my mind did that thing where it floods with so many jumbled thoughts that I had to sort through them before I could even begin to conform a coherent sentence. Then Carlos came in and we had to go. But I've wanted to tell you since we were in my room, I want to take the next step, Im ready." I took Kendall's hands in mine. The alley way was dim, the only light was coming from an uncovered lightbulb that was flickering beside a dumpster. It wasn't the most romantic setting for this conversation but considering I was with my soulmate I was okay with that.

"Are you sure?" Kendall asked seriously. "I don't want you to do this just because you think I want to."

"Im sure Kendall."

"A-Alright then" One of those heart stopping smiles broke out on Kendall's face, "After dinner then? We can send James and Carlos out for the night. Give them a tent and some smores ingredients. They can camp out in Palm Woods park."

"Or we could catch the limo, go back now and leave the camping supplies outside the door." I suggested, putting my hands on his shoulders and rubbing in what I hoped was a tempting way. And I must have done something right because he put a hand on my hip and leaned forward, whispering in my ear.

"That sounds perfect." he nipped my ear slipped his hand into the back pocket of my dress pants. I couldn't help but lean into his touch slightly which made his beautiful green eyes even more stunning as they filled with desire. We quickly made our way back to the limo, neither of us caring at the flashes of light that signaled a picture being taken. I had never in my life been so grateful that Mama Knight and Katie took a short trip to Minnesota without us.

We got back to 2J and as soon as the door closed behind us we were all over each other. We were the only two in the apartment and planned to take full advantage of that. We broke apart long enough to toss the camping equipment and some food outside our door but after that small task was done we left a trail of clothes from the doorway to the first bedroom we could reach. In the beginning there had been a lot of squirming, trying to figure out who went where and many 'just tell me if you want me to stop' and 'does it hurt?' But by the time dawn broke we had completely given ourselves away to passion and love.

And by the time eight am rolled around we were sitting in the hospital waiting room, well Kendall was sitting comfortably, I was awkwardly leaning against the wall, hoping to put off sitting for as long as possible. The car ride here was uncomfortable enough…

We were both smiling goofily even though we were exhausted and I had deep cuts and scrapes on both my knees, not to mention some carpet burn on my back but getting these stitches was definitely worth it.

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**So there it is! I hope it wasn't to adult for some or to young for others. It's hard to get that balance of a T rating sometimes without going to much or to little.**

**I hoped you enjoyed it, please REVIEWWWWW!**

**More Jo drama next time, promise.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Well here it is. This is the last chapter of this story, I'll probably write and epilogue tomorrow but that will be it because on Tuesday Im starting my first day of college! (Im so scared!) I hope you like how this all ended, I found it amusing at least. And as a fun fact, this is the longest story I wrote on fan fiction *applause***

**And to whoever asked if Logan got stitches in his butt, Im sorry if I didn't make that quite clear but no, he got them in his knees. But thank you for brightening up my day, seriously, for the next hour I had images of Logan get butt stitches and I don't know why but I found that a hilarious picture...aaanyways, on to the story!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or People magazine.**

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When we got back from the hospital both of my knees had a line of bright pink stitches in them. That's what I get for letting Kendall choose the color this time. He and I were exhausted and sleep deprived but still grinning from ear to ear. When we got back to 2J we saw the camping gear piled up in the kitchen and James and Carlos were on the couch.

"Hey guys, sorry about ditching you at the restaurant and then kicking you out for the night. We were sort of in a rush." Kendall said which was met with snickers.

"Oh, we know." James said.

"What do you mean…?" Kendall asked slowly and Carlos handed him a magazine. He looked at the cover and groaned in horror.

"What is it?" I walked over as quickly as I could while trying to hide a slight limp. Kendall handed me the magazine and I mimicked his groan.

On the cover was a massive picture of Kendall and I rushing to the limo with his hand all but groping my ass. I was completely mortified, it was on the cover of People Magazine. People was sold everywhere. All my friends and family in Minnesota would see it, Mama Knight and Katie were sure to see it. And by the looks on our faces there was no doubt what we were in such a hurry to go do.

"So don't worry guys we _completely_ understand." James gave us an exaggerated wink.

"This isn't funny you guys." I insisted.

"Jo's commentary on page six is though." Carlos laughed, eating some cheese puffs.

"What? They interviewed her for comments on our sex life?" I started to flip towards page six but Kendall snatched the magazine away.

"Who cares what she has to say?" Kendall said quickly, glaring at James and Carlos who both paused. After a moment their eyes widened.

"We'll uh, just be going now…" James said awkwardly, heading for the door.

"Just try not to break anything." Carlos added and started to follow James out the door but then ran back, grabbed his bowl of cheese puffs and handed Kendall his helmet. "Good luck," he mock whispered before running out, closing the apartment door behind him.

"Kendall" I asked slowly "What's going on."

"Nothing. Want some breakfast? You must be starving."

"And you hate cooking." I said, quickly snatching the magazine back from him. Kendall tried to grab it back but I dodged him, I only ever made the hockey team because I was quick and agile. I couldn't match any of the other guys in strength but that didn't matter so long as they couldn't catch me. I made it to page six and began to read, _wait…_ I clenched the magazine in my fists tightly. "Is it true?" I managed to get out through gritted teeth.

"Logan, please, just let me explain."

"Is it true!?" I yelled with tears in my eyes. "Did you…did you have sex with Jo?"

"She and I had been dating for three months when it happened. I didn't want to but she just kept on asking and pushing and I eventually gave in. I just did it to keep her happy because that's what I thought boyfriends were supposed to do for their girls. It didn't mean anything to me, it wasn't even that good."

"But you didn't tell me!" I knew I was crying again which didn't help my trying to be manlier image but I didn't even care anymore. "Lying by omission is still and lie! And now she's running around telling all the tabloids about how 'much you wanted it' when you two finally _made love_ and how that should be proof I'm using some sort of 'gay mind control' on you!"

"I know and Im sorry. I just knew it would upset you and I honestly didn't even think about it. It seems like forever ago."

"I thought I was your first…"

"You were…in a way." Kendall reached forward and took my hands "Sure Jo and I did…_it._ But you were the first time I actually made love. You're the only time that mattered to me."

"You're always keeping secrets when it comes to her Kendall…I don't know if I can believe you or not anymore." I admitted sadly. I couldn't believe this, everything had been so perfect just ten minutes ago. And now things were on the edge of breaking down once again.

"I know, I know and this time its all my fault. Seriously. I take full responsibility for this but please forgive me. It meant nothing. James and Carlos knew and they thought so little of it that they thought it was hilarious in the magazine. I mean, if she has to pull out the sex card to try and convince people you're some gay voodoo priest than she's got to be insane."

"I know she's insane and I know she's just doing this to hurt us but sometimes I feel like you're doing a good enough job of hurting us as it is." I sighed

"You can't tell me that you've told me everything there is to know about your past." Kendall insisted "There's got to be some things you've kept from me because you didn't think they were important or because you thought they might cause trouble."

I paused, there was only one thing but that didn't really count…did it?

"See!" Kendall insisted at my silence "You never once told me about Max!"

I froze "How do you know about Max and I?" I asked slowly. I always said that Kendall was my first boyfriend but that wasn't necessarily true. Back in Minnesota I had dated a friend from the hockey team but he was still in the closet so it was all on the down low. Max had been the second most popular guy in school, after Kendall of corse. He was on the hockey team, football team, track and field, helped coach his brother's soccer team and also gave me a run for my money in school. He was also incredibly good looking. We had only dated for a couple months before Kendall got us all the offer to move to LA. Max and I had had a nasty break up the night before we left, Max felt that I was choosing Kendall over him and I guess in a way he was right…

"He called about a week after we got here…you weren't around so he and I talked. He kept on asking about you though. When he hung up he told me to tell you he was sorry and that you should call him sometime. I didn't know for sure until now but I suspected there was something going on between you two. Even before we left, you two were always 'studying' together."

"You never did tell me Max had called" I frowned

"Yeah…I guess even then I was a bit jealous. I just didn't realize why." He chuckled softly "But you see, we all have secrets."

"That's different. I didn't tell you about Max because he was still in the closet. And he and I never had sex."

"Well I never told you about Jo because Im not the type of guy to go boasting about his sex life. At the time I slept with her I liked her a lot and I wanted to respect her privacy and reputation even if I did feel a bit pressured into it. Im sorry I hurt you by not mentioning it but really, I didn't think anything of it at all."

I let out a long, exhausted sigh. "Alright, alright. I forgive you but Im still not happy about it. I wish you would have told me."

"I know and I really am sorry but you are the sweetest, most forgiving boyfriend ever." He kissed my cheek.

"You're not completely off the hook yet." I shook my head.

"What do you mean…?" Kendall asked a bit worriedly.

"Im going to go call Max. I feel bad for ignoring him all this time. He was a good boyfriend and deserves a call."

"What? Logan! You cannot be serious." Kendall whined, I knew I could use his jealous streak to my advantage.

"That's what you get for lying to me Kendall." I smiled smugly and sat down on the couch. I found Max's number way in the back recesses of my Contacts and called him.

He was surprised to hear from me to say the least. I told him that Kendall had just given me his message, almost two years to late. He said he had seen the news about my new relationship in the magazines. It was really nice to catch up with him. I told him about Kendall and I and he told me about how he had came out about a year ago and started to date a guy named Paul from the next county over. I complained about Kendall and Jo and Max told me about how he went through the same thing with Paul's ex Robert. He gave me tips on how to handle it and in return I promised him and Paul two backstage passes next time we did a show in Minnesota. We talked for about an hour and a half, Kendall sat at the kitchen bar pouting the entire time.

"Finally!" Kendall exclaimed when I eventually hung up the phone.

"That's what you get for being a liar." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"You're lucky you're cute." Kendall leaned forward, kissing me softly.

Just then James and Carlos ran in, looking like they were about to shit their pants from laughing so hard. Lucy strutted in not far behind them.

"Awww, they made up." Carlos smiled but James elbowed him in the side.

"There's something on TV you need to see." James grabbed the remote and turned on the entertainment news.

Kendall and I both stared at the screen dumbfounded. Plastered all across the television were pictures of Jo in her underwear, kissing a brunette _woman. _All of the media stations were calling her a hypocrite and calling her out on her treatment of Kendall and I. Not to mention she looked like a complete slut which was definitely a bonus in my eyes.

"You may thank me now." Lucy gave a little bow.

"You leaked the pictures?" Kendall asked in awe.

"Yup, I have a cousin who's a camera man on the Chauncey Jackson series. I called him up, asked for any dirt and he sent me these. The other chick is one of her costars, they had been having a wild affair the whole time they were in New Zealand. Apparently the entire crew was furious at them because they'd always be arriving late, leaving early and almost everyday would screw up their lines because they were to busy 'socializing' to learn the script."

"That is so hot…" James practically drooled and Carlos wacked him with a pillow.

"Thank you so much Lucy." I smiled, eternally grateful. Normally I wouldn't be so proud about publicly humiliating someone like that but Jo definitely deserved it.

"No problem guys. She was really getting on my nerves. I doubt she'll be a problem to you guys anymore."

"Oh, one more thing. We passed Mama Knight in the hallway and she does not look pleased." Carlos said just as the door flew open once again and Kendall's mother stormed in. Katie dragging their luggage just behind her.

"Logan Hortense Mitchell and Kendall Donald Knight we have to talk, now. Everyone else may go." She said, one hand on her hip and another holding today's copy of People. _Oh god,_ I paled, knowing we were about to get the sex talk.

James and Carlos fled, James picking up Katie as he ran out, Lucy left more slowly. She looked over her shoulder and winked at us.

"Good luck hot pants." She laughed, closing the door behind her.

"It's not what it looks like?" Kendall tried awkwardly but Mama Knight just stared us down.

The next four hours were the most embarrassing and thoroughly mortifying of my life. And no matter how bad it was for me, I knew it was worse for Kendall. Not only had his mom found out about him and I but she also found out he had slept with Jo and that opened up a whole other can of worms all together. We ended up both being grounded, school, work and back home, nothing else for a whole week. And Kendall and I were both sure she'd be keeping a close eye on us for a while too. She seemed more disappointed than angry though. No parent wanted to find out their child was having sex, let alone find out on the cover of People magazine.

"Since I doubt I'll be able to convince you boys that you are to young, at least take my advice and use protection. You just never know. Now, who wants chicken nuggets?" she asked, standing up and going to the kitchen.

Kendall and I both raised our hands, glad that the lecture was over. We both texted James and Carlos, taking one each, and told them that lunch was going to be ready soon. We turned on the TV again and almost all news stations were saying something or other about Jo's scandal.

"Well, I never liked her." Mrs. Knight muttered then directed the next statement to Kendall "You are much better off with Logan honey."

"I know mom" Kendall smiled, kissing me softly.

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**I hope you liked it! Only the epilogue is left. And yes, I know there wasn't technically any stitches in this chapter but this is more of a continuation of last chapter anyways.**

**And I hoped you liked my little ending for Jo, I don't know why but her character just always sort of struck me as the type who'd get easily sucked into the bad part of Hollywood and become a slut. Ya know, if Big Time Rush wasn't a kid's show and all...**

**If any of you read my Kames stories you might recognize Max as the guy who James used to date in Minnesota. The Max in this story just happens to be a lot nicer than the Kames version of Max. **

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Im sad this story has come to an end. It's by far the longest story I've ever written, not to mention that this story also pushed my 'total words published on fan fiction' over 100k. I've also really loved how it all turned out and I hope you do too! Thank you to everyone who reviewed you have been more amazing than I ever thought was possible. So here goes the last Epilogue of Stitches, please enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: For the last time, I don't own Big Time Rush**

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I didn't like Kendall the first time I saw him.

Now, I can't imagine a day without him in it. Trying to describe our relationship anymore would be pointless because there just aren't words to put meaning to it. He's my best friend, my confidant, my brother and my lover all rolled into one. With him I feel a type a bond that I thought only ever existed in fairy tales. Part of me still thought my entire life was some fantastic fairy tale and I'd wake up, be fifteen again and still in Minnesota.

Then I would read a scathing article or get in a car and have a flashback to the accident and I'd remember that this wasn't always a fairy tale. Sometimes things were terrible, so bad that I wanted to just keel up and die. Even the good times were hard work, we didn't become a world famous band because of luck…well not _just_ luck. Sometimes I didn't speak to Kendall for days because our performances and practices were so exhausting.

Things weren't perfect by any means, we still fought. I was to sensitive and a lot of the time he was to stubborn to admit he was wrong. There had been lots of fights and lots of silent treatments but never once had we broken up because of it. We never really talked about it but both of us knew we'd never be happy with anyone else. Like it or not we were stuck with each other.

And as the years past we learned to fight less and listen more. Maybe it was maturity or just self preservation, I'll never truly know. But at the age of twenty-three we were still going strong in Big Time Rush, our image had changed a bit, we weren't the young dogs swept up in the Hollywood life anymore. We were the Hollywood life, the beach, the sun, the music, it was as much a part of us as our home town had been.

Kendall and I still lived in 2J but things were slightly different now. Mama Knight got married to a talent manager named Elliot, she moved in with him about three years ago and took Katie with. Katie was now eighteen and starring in cop show as the Detective's younger sister. We were all very proud of her. Carlos had also moved out and was living in a condo across the street with his girlfriend, a pretty red head named Clara. And finally there was James, that had definitely been the most drama our make-shift family had had since the infamous car accident...

"Uncle Logan! How's my party dress?" a four year old little girl with long brown hair and big blue eyes ran over to me. She was wearing a long, burgundy dress with a rose pinned into her hair.

"It's looks amazing on you Joelle!" I picked her up amused.

"You think mommy and daddy will like it?"

"Im sure they will, you'll be the best little flower girl they've ever seen." I kissed her forehead.

"And Im sure James doesn't want to wait for us if we're late." Kendall walked out and kissed me on the cheek, "You look fantastic in a tux by the way."

"So do you." I smirked, both of us wore simple black tuxes with red undershirts that were the same color as Joelle's dress.

"Now, common, I do not want to be late for this. Not to mention James will never let us live it down if it's our fault his own daughter is late to her parents wedding." Kendall smiled, pinching Joelle's cheek and she giggled sweetly.

"You're right, lets go." I nodded, carrying Joelle down to the parking garage and strapping her into her carseat.

We were all only nineteen when James came home one evening and broke the news that he got the girl he had been seeing pregnant. After a lot of yelling, fighting and two black eyes later we all sat down, talked and realized that our lives were about to change forever. It had been the biggest Big Time Rush scandal ever. And worst of all, the mother jumped ship right after Joelle was born. We never heard from her again and we were left with a crying baby girl to take care of.

Mama Knight had been the most help, she practically raised all of us after all but the rest of us also had to grow up very quickly. Things weren't just partying, pranks and our music anymore, we had to work to be the best so we could give Joelle a good home but we also had to juggle that with being home early enough to read her a bed time story.

Joelle may have be James' biological daughter but we all adored her as if she was our own. But even with Mama Knight and Katie around for the first few years we were all worried that Joelle would never have a real mother figure to look up to.

Then James started to date the most unlikely person. Lucy had just come back from her own world tour and we ran into her in the lobby. And despite his harsh reality check after getting a girl pregnant, James was still a ladies man. But this time he had a secret weapon, when James asked Lucy out he had been holding a then two year old Joelle in his arms. And not even Lucy could say no to James while he was being all fatherly, not mention Joelle was giving Lucy her adorable puppy dog eyes that she no doubt learned from Kendall and Katie. At first though, Lucy still thought James was a major narcissist and a womanizer but over time she fell just as hard for James and Joelle as the two did for her. Joelle now called Lucy her Mama.

We got to the wedding just in time, Griffin let us use his Beach House for the ceremony and reception.

"There you guys are! I was starting to get worried." James rushed over to us when we got there.

"I know sorry, traffic was terrible." I apologized, setting Joelle down and she ran over, hugging her daddy's legs.

"Is everyone else here?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah, Carlos is helping everyone find their seats and your mom is telling the caterers what 'the right way' to make a chicken sandwich is."

"And Lucy?" I asked.

James swallowed "According to Clara, Katie and Camille she's ready to go on whenever we are."

"Then lets get this show on the road!" Kendall clapped James on the back "Whoever thought that you'd be the first member of BTR to get married."

"Lets go, he's probably nervous enough as it is." I pulled Kendall away amused.

"Nervous, who's nervous. Just because my life is about to change forever and my world will never be the same? Im not nervous at all, nope. Im perfectly fine!" James stammered.

"Yup, you sound great!" Kendall gave James a thumbs up but let me pull him away.

Kendall and I met Carlos in back and lined up with the bride's maids. When the music started Kendall walked in first, arm in arm with Katie, then I followed with Camille and finally Carlos was last with Clara. At the altar we separated, the guys and I going to stand behind where James was all but shaking and the girls went to go stand on the bride's side.

And then Joelle came skipping down the isle, it started off well, she threw her flowers around and went at a good pace. But then people started to ooh and aww and take pictures, the poor little girl started to run, dumping petals everywhere and hid behind James' legs. That of corse made everyone laugh, even James. That at least seemed to shake him of his nerves and he kneeled down, talking softly to Joelle and pointed her over to where Mama Knight and his mother Brooke were sitting. She nodded and kissed her Dad's nose before running to sit by her grandmas who assured her that she did a great job.

Finally the traditional wedding march began and Lucy came down the isle, she was smiling but inwardly I could see her rolling her eyes at the frilly white dress her conservative parents had pushed her into wearing. But when she finally met James at the altar they were both smiling at each other in that stupid way only people in love did. Neither of them seemed to have any regrets or hesitations at all.

The minister began to say the wedding vows and I mostly tuned out. I was happy for James but sad at the same time because I knew that I'd never have a wedding of my own. Even now, due to Prop 8, gay marriage was still illegal in California. The minister asked if anyone objected to the union and besides some screaming from heart broken fans down the road there was no noise. The minister proceeded to the I Do's. Just as he started to read them off I felt Kendall pressing something into my palm, I looked down, shocked to find a ring now in my hand. It was simple white gold band with a single diamond, I looked up to Kendall stunned and he smiled wryly at me. And I knew exactly what that smile meant.

Just because we couldn't be married legally didn't mean we couldn't be together on our own terms.

"Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, remaining faithful to her as long as you both shall live?" The minister asked James who immediately responded with a simple-

"I do"

Kendall mouthed the words to me at the same moment. Considering how momentous this occasion was, I decided to ignore the fact that I was once again becoming the woman in the relationship.

"And do you take this man to be your wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health, remaining faithful to him as long as you both shall live?" The minister turned to Lucy who nodded before saying her matching-

"I do"

I also mouthed the words right back at Kendall.

"I know pronounce you Husband and Wife, you may kiss the bride."

The entire beach erupted in cheers and applauses as James pulled Lucy in for a kiss. Nobody seemed to notice as Kendall pulled me into one as well, blinding slipping the ring onto my finger as we kissed.

Yeah, I didn't like Kendall when I first saw him. And hey, Lucy didn't so much like James when they first met either. Life was funny that way sometimes. But as Kendall cupped my face in his hands, his thumb stroking the small scar on my chin, from the first time I ever got stitches, I knew that I wouldn't change anything for the world.

Once Kendall and I broke apart and Carlos, Katie and Clara finally tore Lucy and James away from each other we all walked back towards the beach house for the reception.

"Hey Logan, when did you get that ring?" Carlos asked.

"Oh, not to long ago." I laughed, sharing a look with Kendall but I was so busy looking at my 'husband' that I missed the first step. I tripped right over it and started to fall over, I closed my eyes expecting to feel the sharp pain of hitting my head on the cold, stone stairs. I was already preparing myself for yet another trip to the hospital to get some stitches but the pain never came. After a moment I dared opening my eyes, only to see Kendall smiling down at me.

"Gotcha." he laughed, pulling me back upright. "You've got to stop being so clumsy." he said, wrapping an arm around my waist as we ascended the stairs together.

"Hey, it's not my fault. You always distract me and cause me to run into things or trip and fall and I end up getting hurt. You've turned me into frankenstein!"

"A very cute frankenstein." Kendall grinned, kissing me softly and I immediately kissed him back. Kendall had been right when we were children, scars were cool, especially mine. Because with each scar I had, I could trace the ups and downs of my and Kendall's relationship. But what said even more were the scars that I didn't have, the ones that Kendall stopped me from ever getting. Those unrecieved scars were just as important as the visible ones. They all reminded me just how much Kendall and I had gone through and even after every hurdle we were still together and had a very long, hopefully happy future ahead of us.

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**Well there ya have it. I know the last paragraph especially was a little corny but I sort of wanted a happily ever after ending.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! FOR THE LAST TIME :( Im hoping that this story will also become my most reviewed story and we are almost there!**


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